The Dwindling Value of Men

In the United States, Sunday is Father's Day. Some refer to these “holidays” as made up holidays designed to sell more gifts and cards. However, similar to Mother's Day when we celebrate moms and women, Sunday is a day set aside to celebrate dads and men. I like to think of these days as appreciation and acknowledgment days.

Hey, wait a minute! Not everyone is a parent (mom or dad). What about them? Most likely we all HAVE currently or have had a mom and dad in the very beginning of becoming US so universal.

Hey! You just said a paragraph above that these are appreciation and acknowledgment days so what's up with the title? Dwindling value? Men? Are you writing about men as people or gender?

Before we come to a screeching halt and you don't keep reading, I fully acknowledge I don't know enough about all the gender stuff to write on that topic intelligently. If I do figure it out some day, I'll write another post.

Today, I am writing about MEN as men and fathers and being different than women which has seem to become an unpopular opinion.

There has been much posting, discussion and memes lately aimed at women with the question: Would you rather be trapped in the woods with a bear or a man? There have been some funny and interesting responses to this question in comments and discussions with varying degrees of humor. And pain. If you have been physically or mentally harmed by A man, you probably are not getting to the funny. It hurts. You have less chance, probably, of being harmed by a bear. That is part of the discussion.

I am not writing specifically of the damage that can be brought about by A man. I am writing about how we as a society are often treating and valuing MEN as a group. Maybe even valuing huMANs as a group, but that is another post.

Currently, media often displays men as bumbling fools, often in a bad mood, being taken care of by their partner, and/or worthless/”deadbeat” fathers. Gone are the days of fatherly wisdom it seems. Sometimes TV shows don't age well. Something that was considered humorous “back then” just isn't anymore. A show I was watching recently referred to men as being portrayed with “predatory, aggressive” behavior.

Are there “bad” men? Sure! There's “bad” women too. Media doesn't always focus on them as much. It doesn't mean they don't exist. I think the issue is where are we putting our focus? If we don't like the way we are heading as a society it is time to start having some of these tougher discussions. Did we need a women's movement? YES, but not at the expense of tearing down men. We can both bring value to life.We DO both bring value to life.

There comes a point where we begin to find what we look for. IF men are only portrayed as bumbling fools with a mean streak, WE are seriously doing MEN as a group a huge disservice. IF we expect men to be more like women, WE are going to be seriously disappointed.

Inside every man is a little boy that has been taking ALL of the above internally. This is in addition to: Don't cry. Don't be a mama's boy. Don't play with dolls or play house. Maybe they live in a house where this is being preached or beat into them and this becomes a generational issue and a perpetuating issue for men in that family because they are not being taught any differently.

Then that little boy grows up. He might dare to get married. We start asking: Why don't you show more emotion? Why dont't you spend more time with your mom? Why don't you take better care of the baby? Or me?

What are we doing as a society to help men and all of us be and do better? When we value one group of people less, we value all of us less. 

We need to learn to VALUE each other for who we are individually and as a group. When we start to do that, ALL of our value goes up and we don't acknowledge this on just one day of the year for women or men.

Acts 17:22-31 (EasyToRead Version ETR) Then Paul stood up before the meeting of the Areopagus council and said, “Men of Athens, everything I see here tells me you are very religious.I was going through your city and I saw the things you worship. I found an altar that had these words written on it: ‘to an unknown god.’ You worship a god that you don’t know. This is the God I want to tell you about.

“He is the God who made the whole world and everything in it. He is the Lord of the land and the sky. He does not live in temples built by human hands. He is the one who gives people life, breath, and everything else they need. He does not need any help from them. He has everything he needs.God began by making one man, and from him he made all the different people who live everywhere in the world. He decided exactly when and where they would live.

“God wanted people to look for him, and perhaps in searching all around for him, they would find him. But he is not far from any of us. It is through him that we are able to live, to do what we do, and to be who we are. As your own poets have said, ‘We all come from him.’

“That’s right. We all come from God. So you must not think that he is like something people imagine or make. He is not made of gold, silver, or stone. In the past people did not understand God, and he overlooked this. But now he is telling everyone in the world to change and turn to him. He has decided on a day when he will judge all the people in the world in a way that is fair. To do this he will use a man he chose long ago. And he has proved to everyone that this is the man to do it. He proved it by raising him from death!”

Discounted Christmas?

'Tis more than a few weeks into 2024 and the Christmas discounts continued to rise as merchants attempt to gain back their shelf space that was filled with an elf and all other things holiday. Discounts rise from 30-50% a few days after Christmas to 75% after New Year and then usually 90% on anything that is left. 

Anything that is left is basically left over. Slim pickings as faster shoppers made their way through the remainder of Christmas days and weeks after. Broken pieces. Things you may not have even looked at during Christmas. Will you know where it is for next Christmas if you buy now? Money not spent is money saved.

Until one day we arrive at the store and Valentine's Day decorations are fully in stock. Love day started rolling in right after Christmas.

We seem to move through seasons by what merchandise is in the stores at any given time. We start some holidays and just roll right into the next one as witnessed by Happy Thanks Merry HallowGiving Christmas! October rolls right in with November and December holidays all on display as well. Hellish looking monsters for Halloween. A few aisles over fall and Thanksgiving. A few more aisles and Christmas with words like Noel, Joy and Peace. The red and green. The manger pieces. 

Sometimes we discount the joy and peace that Christmas promises far before the actual season. We spend time with our family and friends over some days off hopefully. Then life settles back to “normal”. Often we discount the Christmas that should roll into the New Year with us and last at least into the month of January, hopefully longer. We take down the decorations. We put the manger away....and sometimes we put the Christ of Christmas back into that box with the manger, angel and the rest of the pieces. Sometimes the PEACE of Christmas goes back into the box with the pieces. 

Returning back to work and school. Tax time hits and we get busy with that. Then we flip the calendar page again and it is already February. And we roll into this year like we did all the others. Schedules fill up with sports and other activities. Spring and flowers. Easter and another reason to celebrate the new life we are promised. 

Leaves back on the trees! A few more months and those leaves turn colors and fall to the ground. Hay rides. Bonfires with roasted marshmallows. We are back to October and trick or treating. Candy!

When put that way it really does speed by. What to do to make this year different? To not discount and lose the feelings of Christmas? The reason of Christmas and Easter?

Matthew 5:3-5 (MSG) “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

Obituary of a marriage

Obituary of a Marriage

Marriage, established _______ , came to a slow, painful death by lack of care and mutual respect. While family, friends and marriage itself hoped for a fulfilling future, it was not meant to be. It was discovered that marriage does not usually die, but is killed by neglect, lack of communication, abuse, lies and disrespect.

Marriage is survived by children, Healing and About Time. Also parents-in-law Told You So and You Should Do Better Than We Did. Marriage was preceded in death by Years of Counseling and Advice.

Marriage fell in love with Potential. Marriage recognized too late that bringing 50/50 is not enough. Bringing our best selves 100/100 is essential. When standing at the altar marriage did not see far enough ahead to family members illnesses, miscarriage, addition of children, bankruptcy, and deaths of family and pets.

When I do, became I can't anymore. Sometimes the I Do when marriage needed to learn I won't. That for better or worse does not mean better until it gets made worse. In sickness and health, does not mean starting out healthy, but making each other unhealthy. Staying poorer when richer was an option. Richer and poorer is not just financial. When the tying of the knot became the knot of an ever tightening noose.

When anniversaries became “x” and counting (which was usually to 10 to avoid saying something that might be regretted).

It is hoped that this marriage will rest in the peace that had become in short supply throughout its lifetime.

There will be no public memorial or celebration of occasion as unlike the original public ceremony the end of marriage is much less acknowledged. Memorial contributions may be made to premarital counseling and the asking and answering of the hard questions.

The Attraction of Distraction

Oh, I have heard this little voice that has become not so little. I have put it off. Proven the point. As I type this, the ding of my notifications on my cell phone is trying to lure me to look away. Stop typing. I know if I look, I will be sucked into the distractions that have filled my time lately. Ok. OK. CONSUMED my time lately. 

I have my excuses, er...reasons. Yeah, reasons! It has been over a year since I have written on my blog. I have done many, many (some would say TOO many) posts on Facebook. Some thoughts. Many memes. Some silly. Some timely. Some really important to me so I want to share....at ALL hours of day, usually night. I convince myself it is part of my healing. My therapy. My ME time. I like to encourage people so that, up to a point, is all true.

However (knew that was coming, right?), all of that has become a distraction from dealing with life. Feelings. Grief. UGH. Even typing this I am having to take a deep breath because I know that anxiety feeling as my chest tightens. I will suffice it to say that 2020 and 2021 have been years that will be referred back to with the words: virus, pandemic, lock down, "new normal", vaccine, division, and so many more. That is just the world. Each of us have had our own issues to deal with too. 

 This is where the distraction comes in. This may not be the way everyone deals with stress, but it is seeming to become more of an issue as technology weasels into our everyday lives. Wonderful advancements that should make our lives easier. It does! IF you can control it and not let it control you. 

One of my main distractions is my cell phone. Phones used to just be in our homes attached to a wall. Eventually cordless and able to be lost at the end of a single call as setting the phone down and not back on the charger resulted in a useless, lost phone. Never fear. The manufacturers predicted this and gave us a beep to find the phone, if it wasn't dead because it was not on the charger. Now if one of us misplaces our cell phone, we ask someone to call it. Mine is usually under papers within 2 feet from me. I have actually found myself looking FOR my phone, while I was ON my phone.

Portable. A device that used to just be for calls. Made and received. An occasional short text as on a flip phone it was awesome, but time consuming, to hit the 1 button 3 times to get to "c".  Then I had a slide out miniature keyboard which made texting faster and easier and less time consuming. It didn't matter if someone didn't answer, they could read the text later. Respond if they chose to. I go back in the house to get my phone if I forget it. Don't leave home without it used to just be a line in a commercial. My phone gets internet access if in the right spot. Wifi. Needing a password. The internet! 

Ahhhh. The internet AND apps AND a newer, faster phone. Herein lies much of my distraction issue. I don't even need to be near a full size computer. At home. As long as I have wifi, I have a mini computer that fits in my purse or my pocket. Oh and the things the phone can do! Watch YouTube, Tik Tok, a movie! Have a question? Search. Find the answer. Or many answers. To questions I didn't even knew I had. Predictive text shows questions others have had and answered. How helpful and useful and distracting. Oops an hour went by. "News" with catchy headlines designed to make us click and click some more. Oops another hour.

Games! I used to have to go to a video game arcade and have quarters. Then I could play at home on early Nintendo. Duck hunt and that darn dog that would laugh when I missed. Now there are apps of card games I used to play with real people. Now they are avatars on a screen and a chat box. I convince myself I'm keeping my brain active as I match candies, shapes and colors. Hoping the one I need to complete the puzzle will fall just in the right place to blow up and finish that level. How many levels? Hundreds. Maybe more. Connect to Facebook, see what games your friends are playing and send a challenge. This is not even getting into the apps that "reward" you for playing. Points for gift cards. It would be more cost effective to just buy the gift card, but hey! I'm playing already anyway.

ALL of these. Distractions are everywhere. Every. Day. I get ideas I might jot down, but I don't write as often as I did. Not for lack of ideas. Lack of motivation. The attraction of gift cards and being distracted so I don't have to feel when feeling the feels might lessen the hurt and let me move on. Let you move on. 

Are you doing similar? Has the everyday noise and all the options taken up space in your head? Kept you from reading the Bible? Kept you from praying? Are you feeling ok about that? Distractions are everywhere. I have noticed the small voice getting smaller. 

I have Biblegateway.com on my phone. On a good day, I do the reading plan on there BEFORE I get further distracted. All of the things are not necessarily bad when only doing them for a short time and not rabbit trailing from one topic right into the next or playing level after level of games. Working on putting the need to-do ahead of the want to-do. Feeling the feelings is still a work in progress. 

  “‘Go to this people and say,
“You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
    you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.”
²⁷ For this people’s heart has become calloused;
    they hardly hear with their ears,
    and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
    hear with their ears,
    understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them

Acts 28:26-27 NIV

³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,

Luke 10:39-41 NIV 

Lord, You know our hearts and desires. Thank you that you do not get distracted. May we be more aware of what is keeping us from reading your word and praying. Help keep our distractions to a minimum. Please help us to draw closer to you and work through anything that is distracting us from coming to you. May we use technology and advancements for good and not just time wasters keeping us from getting done what we need to do. Amen.

Unrestricted Access, NO access, #therehastobeabetterway

For anyone that finds this floating in the interwebs sometime in the future:

It is October 2020.The world is still dealing with the pandemic known as Covid19. It started to hit the United States in our area (Michigan) early March 2020. We are strongly urged, if not required, to wear masks indoors, as well as, socially distance (stand apart from each other) at least 6'. There is a lot of plexiglass in use to protect workers, customers and school kids. There is testing, but currently no vaccine. Covid has definitely changed the way we live our lives and conduct our businesses. Early on, there were shut downs resulting in unemployment and economic worries. Many employees that were able to worked from home. Schools closed early. Stayed shut for awhile. Did virtual online school as much as possible until the end of the year. Seniors in high school missed out on so many of those last year BIG events: prom, graduation, open houses. People did drive by celebrations. We made the best of a bad situation. 

We slowly have tried to return to "normal" or the oft dreaded terms of "unprecedented times" and "new normal". Covid seems to affect mostly elderly and those with other health issues. 

One of the shut downs has affected our shut ins most of all. Shut ins refers to those who live in residential care facilities. The care facility could be assisted living or skilled nursing. It could be a small group home for people that just need a bit more help or consistency than family can provide. 

In our family's case, our shut in is our mom. Prior to Covid, we were pretty much allowed unrestricted access to our mom. There are 5 of us "kids" (almost all in our 50's now). Between the 5 of us and our families, we visited mom at least 2-3 times a week. We attended events and activities designed to keep residents healthy and happy and active. BINGO!

We had a key card we could use to get in if it was after hours. I'm a night owl. Sometimes I visited later at night to help tuck mom in and say good night. There were many nights I would walk back down the hall to my car near tears. Mostly because I didn't want to have to leave her there. Some because I imagined it was like when she used to love on me when I was younger and ready for bed. 

I already felt guilty for having her go to a nursing home in the first place. It was not hers or our family's first choice. We kept her home as long as we could after our dad passed away in 2018 the day after her 75th birthday. There was home care OT, PT, nurses and doctors that helped us in keeping her home. She made progress. Then there was the week that things took a turn and the day the ambulance came to take her to the hospital. She went to a hospice facility for a few months. She rebounded health-wise and was released from the hospice program. By then, she could no longer stand on her own. Staff was using a lift to get her in and out of bed. 

We were blessed to find a good facility. Many of the staff have become like extended members of our family. When we visited, we attempted to assist staff as they are often overworked and underpaid for the skills they provide. We brought cheer up gifts, treats and encouragement. We visited other residents. We gained some 90+ year old friends that sat at mom's table for meals. In late Dec. 2019 and early Jan. 2020, mom's facility restricted visitors due to the "normal" flu and gastro stuff. It was hard on residents and staff. Emotionally. Mentally. That was weeks. We made do with phone calls to our mom on a smart phone that was becoming increasingly more difficult for her to use. 

Early March, one of my brothers and I visited and brought mom a cake from her and dad's favorite hangout. There was more than enough cake to share with staff and our friends. The next day, the anniversary of her husband's/our dad's death, I received a call that visitors were again going to be restricted, this time due to Covid and the unknowns that presented. 

As a family, we got it. There were states that were getting hit really hard and the goal was to keep the hospitals and staffs from becoming overwhelmed with Covid patients. We needed to "flatten the curve". That was March which has turned into April, May, June, July, August, September, and in Michigan currently, until October 31. For those of you counting, this is 7 MONTHS. With no end in sight. During this time, residents have been confined to their rooms. There has been NO communal dining. There has been hallway bingo over the intercom. We try to time our calls around that. There is television and what else?

During this time, we were allowed window visits. Thankfully, mom's facility is all one floor. Then, that gate stayed locked so no more window access. We try and do Skype which are scheduled online through the facility. Currently, Monday - Friday business hours for 20 minutes. The internet frequently acts up. A staff member stays in the room to make sure the call goes ok. Mom has an old-fashioned flip phone that on a good day has been charged, the volume is turned up, it is where she can reach it and she can remember how to use it. There is a glass door at the end of her hall. Staff has wheeled her to it and we use our phones to talk. Sometimes she is too tired to hold her phone up or she gets confused by hearing the phone AND us talking through the door. We call ahead of time to make sure her phone will be working and they know we are coming. We are researching other options. Thank goodness for technology!

We were allowed (so far) one outside visit mid-August. Allowed 2 visitors, 6' apart, no touching, but seeing mom outside: priceless. Visits were/are allowed Tues and Thurs. 10 visits/week and the weather had to cooperate. Once all the families had a chance to visit, we were allowed to schedule another outside visit. It is now OCTOBER. In MICHIGAN. I had a visit scheduled for this upcoming week. October 13. I received a call last week, that an employee tested positive so there is now ANOTHER 14 day quarantine period. Our mom and other residents have been tested NUMEROUS times during this time. How do think it goes for staff to test dementia patients more than once? 

My frustration rises. I'm in Michigan. There are 422 facilities. I advocate. Others advocate. A lady in Florida gets a job IN her husband's facility to be able to see him. A national Facebook page starts. State Facebook pages start. Who do we contact? President? Our Washington congress people? Nope state level. Governor? Canned email responses back that may, but probably not even cover what we emailed about. Our state senator and representative? Which county? I'm in Ottawa. My mom's facility is in Kent. I went with Ottawa. I got a staff email response from my rep and a phone call. It's election season though and the people I contact are up for reelection so where's the focus? On shuts ins that have PROUDLY voted in past elections? Who knows what happens this year? Many are not cognitively with it enough to make that decision anymore. The governor has tasked covid response to the health department. The health department issued exceptions dated JUNE 30, HOWEVER, the final say is still with the facilities. Most facilities stopped at provide electronic access (on devices the federal and/or state government provided 2 per facility). The governor appointed a task force, that to my knowledge, did NOT include a resident and/or family representatives. They issued recommendations similar to the exceptions with a bit more detail. We try to get the attention of newspapers, magazines, news stations. HEAR US! We may, or usually not, don't even get a reply. 

7 MONTHS of isolation and loneliness. It is not only Covid we are afraid of. We have watched our family members and friends deteriorate during this time. Some of us have lost our resident to death. Most NOT due to Covid. The only visits that are for sure allowed are "compassionate care" for when a resident is "actively dying". 

Facilities have been given an impossible task. Keep their residents healthy from Covid. BUT at what cost? To the staff. To the residents. To us as family and friends. What we are doing is NOT working. Quarantine the sick. The goal post keeps moving. The clock keeps getting reset. If the goal is 0? More will die, but not from Covid. They will die from the loneliness and isolation of trying to keep them safe from a virus that some even though positive, have few symptoms.

We took our unrestricted access to our loved ones for granted. Personally, I didn't even know that we could be kept out due to the flu or gastro illnesses, and now Covid. We're dealing with NO access currently. The tag for our pleas for help has become #therehastobeabetterway 

We are not asking for unrestricted access. We are asking for an essential caregiver (not just dependent on assistance with ADLs - Activities of Daily Living) to be allowed per resident. We will meet the same requirements as employees. We will test. We will sign a waiver saying you are not responsible for us or our loved one contracting covid at your facility. We will schedule an appointment. We will walk directly to our resident's room. What MORE do you want? What more can we do? THIS is not working for the residents. Or us. Help us help you find the better way. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

If religion or discussion of God offends you, please stop reading or continue to scroll to your next bit of interweb business.

I cannot close this blog post without mentioning this. When I first thought of unrestricted access, I was thinking of how often I took it for granted with visits to my mom. I also thought of my access to God. According to the Bible, there was a time when people wanted to talk to God, they had to go to a temple. The priests had to relay the requests/prayers to God. The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ broke that barrier and allows us, each of us, unrestricted access to have our prayers heard. Anytime. Anywhere. The curtain of the temple separating us from God was torn. 

I do not pretend to have all the answers to life's questions. I'm always willing to discuss and share what I have learned though. Feel free to reach out to me or others in your life that have made the decision to follow Jesus. My mom and dad made that decision long ago. They raised us knowing too. When we are aware of a gift, we don't want to leave it unopened. Thank you for opening your heart in consideration. 

Luke 23:44-46 (NIV) It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, 45 for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.

John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

www.biblegateway.com is an awesome resource if you would like to read more from the Bible.

In-dependence Independence day

Today, July 4 is an important day in the USA. We celebrate the day of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Thirteen colonies became independent from a country we no longer agreed with. We celebrate our freedom.

As we celebrate differently this year due to COVID-19 Corona virus, there are not many big groups for parades, picnics, fireworks, etc. More people are doing fireworks in their driveways tonight. I can hear the booming of displays in our neighborhood. Many people invited others over this year to share in their displays. Independent doesn't mean alone. Our forefathers worked together to create our independence and identity separate from the King and Britain.

We usually strive for independence. Especially as we get older. As parents, we strive to get our kids to a point where they can handle life on their own.

I have been thinking the past few days though that sometimes I become TOO independent. Maybe you do too? I usually notice it most when I have tried to do life on my own. Again. Still.

My independence often comes at the expense of my leaning less on God. We are not meant to do life on our own. God, our families, and our friends can help us not to be dependent, but also not to be SO independent that we start to think we handle everything on our own. I know that even when I THINK I am, I'm not really.

Thankfully, God does not let me get too far off the path that I stop acknowledging I am not doing life independently. Today, I also celebrate my in-dependence of God, our Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus: sent to truly set us free.

The really awesome thing is that God doesn't NEED me or you. He WANTS us. He made us in His image. Sparkle on, my friends. Today. And everyday. When our final Grand Finale comes, will you be ready? 

KA-BOOM!

1 Corinthians 12:4-13 The Message (MSG)

God’s various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit. God’s various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit. God’s various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all. Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful:
wise counsel
clear understanding
simple trust
healing the sick
miraculous acts
proclamation
distinguishing between spirits
tongues
interpretation of tongues.
All these gifts have a common origin, but are handed out one by one by the one Spirit of God. He decides who gets what, and when.

1 Corinthians 12:19-26 The Message (MSG)
But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn’t be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, “Get lost; I don’t need you”? Or, Head telling Foot, “You’re fired; your job has been phased out”? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the “lower” the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it’s a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn’t you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?
You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you’re still one body. It’s exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. 

The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don’t, the parts we see and the parts we don’t. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. 

wHo'S on First? Easter/virus baseball

In the late 30's/early 40's, comedians Abbott and Costello did a comedy sketch eventually titled "Who's On First" (Wikipedia). It was a play on words where the baseball players names are pronoun/phrase "nicknames".

This year, 2020, many sport seasons were cut short and/or not starting on time due to the Covid-19 virus. Large gatherings of people for sporting events, concerts and festivals have been called off. The pandemic caused by the virus has rippled into cancellations of May and June events as major planning for Spring and Summer happens right while all of this is happening too.

It is also Easter weekend. A time when many of us would be attending church to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. A time when many of us would be having dinner with family and friends. A time to celebrate Spring and nicer weather. However, many of us are under Stay at Home orders. Our celebrations will be different this year for many of us.

The above events are what (2nd base!) got me thinking about what I'm about to write. I have also heard people struggle with faith especially at a time like this or when some other event rocks their world. I do too. Still. I don't know (3rd base!) all the answers. Still. Too much of the time I still find myself overthinking God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Bible.

It is when I overthink, I start to question something I have stood on most of my life. Faith. To some this is going to be too simplistic. To some this will be filled with theological/non-Biblical holes. Honestly, I don't know that much about baseball other than a comedy sketch and watching some of my nephews games. 

I often hear people say, "How could a loving God let "x" happen?" We often refer to God as our Heavenly Father. When a person has not had a good earthly example of a father, this can be a major sticking point to belief in God. I hear people say that the Bible is full of archaic information and too many rules. However, we follow rules everyday. Traffic lights. Employment. Safety. Rules to Stay at Home when we'd rather be out, even if we have nowhere currently to go.

So. Take a walk with me in your mind to your local baseball/softball field.

The rules. The Bible. How do you play a game without rules? How can everyone play by the same guidelines if each team and/or each player made up their own rules? We may not like it. We probably won't like all of it. Doesn't make it less of a rule. The basic rules of the Bible are the ten commandments*. If it has been awhile, it might be a good time to check out the Bible. It is more than just rules. There are more ways than ever to read and listen. Currently, in the United States, we are free to read it, search it or listen to the Bible whenever we choose. This is not true everywhere.

The team. Christians believe in the Trinity of God. How can one entity be three? A team contains more than one player. The trinity of God is Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

The other team. In this game, it is called spiritual warfare. Playing to win. The battle of good and evil. In today's world, we water it down to good and not so good. Everybody wins. If we are "good", we will get to go home, if you believe in that.

Umpire. God. We may not like the decision. We can question. We can argue. Umpire makes the final call and coaches and fans have to live with it. In a world of instant replay, wow does this come into question. Maybe more than it used to. Depending on which outcome one wants, we can find info to "prove" what we need to see to make us feel better.

The coaches. Other Christians. Want you to join our team. Encouraging. Cheerleaders. Help us learn the rules of the game.

The fans. Rooting for a team. May or may not understand the game that well. Sometimes embarrassed to let their friends know which team they root for. Coaches can be fans too. They might be sitting right next to you. (May probably will be eating snacks from the concession stand)

Home. Heaven. Christians believe that this life we live is not ALL there is. We believe that we will get to spend eternity with our team in Heaven if we accept Jesus as our Savior.

I'm trying to think of a baseball way to explain hell. I'm not being real successful. Right now, the only way I can think of is if you REALLY don't like the game of baseball, but you are told you HAVE to play whether you want to or not.....the umpire doesn't MAKE you spend time forever playing baseball. You can question the umpire, in fact it is encouraged. You can disagree with the umpire, that's OK too. You've had time to decide if you want to play. That is your choice. That is free will. We have the choice to walk.

The World Series. EASTER On Good Friday, the other team thought they had won. They had KILLED the home team. They sent them to the dugout. The coaches and some of the fans were brokenhearted. On Easter Sunday, the home team rose up and the world was never the same. 

In this game of life it may be the 3rd strike in the bottom of the ninth. Are you running home? You can be in the stadium as a fan. Or not. BUT you are always invited to get on the field and play.
-----------------------------------------------------------
*Ten commandments are found in Exodus 20 BibleGateway.com

John 11:24-26 (NIV)
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Revelation 21:5-7 New International Version (NIV)
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Essential?

I haven't written in awhile. Not because I don't have any thoughts. Believe me, I have TOO many. I think that is part of the issue. Narrowing it down to one or two basic points without getting overwhelmed. Realizing that if the thoughts are coming with good intentions, it is ok if everyone doesn't agree. As a people pleaser, that is difficult for me!

We are at a challenging point in life right now. The world is dealing with COVID-19. A virus that is challenging to medical staff, governments, families and individuals. A virus that has tightened social restrictions from countries, travelling, to groups of less than 250...than 100....than 10....to stay at home unless absolutely necessary. A virus that has closed schools. A virus that is spreading faster than what we know to do with....for now. A virus that has definitely slowed, if not halted, the economy in Michigan and other areas except for "essential" services.

I looked up "essential". According to Merriam-Webster.com (HOW convenient! I didn't even need to find a dictionary!), as an adjective it means of the utmost importance. As a noun, essential means something basic or something necessary, indispensable or unavoidable.

We are told to wash our hands with warm water and soap for 20 seconds. Don't touch your face!

The beginning of virus warfare was panic buying for essentials. Apparently, many considered toilet paper to be one of THE most essential items to have for staying at home. Baby wipes and hand sanitizer quickly flew off the shelves as well. This was probably early to mid March 2020 in the United States. As of the beginning of April, many shelves for paper products are still empty.

If we venture out to the store, we are urged to make as few trips as possible, to only have one person from a family shop, to practice "social distancing" of 6' from each other in lines, etc. Most doctor/medical appointments are being done by "telehealth": online conference apps between medical staff and patient. Schools were closed. Decisions are still being made about the rest of the school year. Most teachers and students can connect through online communication. Many parents are working from home if able. So far, restaurants are open for take-out, carry-out or drive through. No sit down dining. No sports - end of seasons. No concerts, but many musicians have cheered us up online with impromptu home concerts.

We are urged to stay at home unless absolutely necessary for food and other groceries. So far, we are allowed to be able to be outside for walks and exercise. If doing these activities with another person, we are urged to stay 6' apart. We are being told to try and limit exposure as much as possible. Our mom is at a nursing home. Residents are not allowed visitors. Staff is being temperature tested to enter for work. We have made some visits to mom's window or on Facebook Messenger to video chat.

This has brought up some interesting thoughts and conversations for politicians and business owners. What defines an "essential" employee? What work can be done remotely from home? How will this change employment structures WHEN this all calms down?

Friends, I urge us not to find our self worth tied to any job title or skill set. I feel that this will be easy to do if we are told to not work and file for unemployment. The term essential does NOT define our importance. To our employer. To our families. To ourselves. Many things have changed or shut down. Here's an exciting discovery: The world HAS NOT stopped spinning.

Here's another thing. YOU are essential to the One that knew your beginning and knows your end. YOU were especially created for such a time as this. NOBODY ELSE can fill in YOUR piece of this puzzle we call life. 

Yes, this virus is scary. The situations coming because of it are nerve-wracking and anxiety producing. And yet....there are good things continuing to happen on our spinning sphere. Neighbors are looking out for each other. We can still smile with our eyes even if it is determined that wearing a mask will help. Keep looking for the good. Keep knowing that YOU are important and very essential just because YOU ARE YOU.

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Esther 4:12-14 (NIV) When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”**

**If you would like to read more of Esther's story, there are 7 chapters in the book of Esther in the Bible. www.biblegateway.com is an excellent resource

I Didn't Know

I recently attended a writers conference. I have wanted to go in previous years, but always found a reason (ie: excuse) why "now" wasn't a good time. I figured if I'm going to do it, do it well. I signed up for the extra night and a pre-conference session. The extra night was to make sure I was there on time and in the right frame of mind to focus on one thing. Life has not been about only one thing at a time, or seemingly about me, for quite awhile. 

My anxiety struck up as I got ready to leave that day. I'm almost ready to give her a name as she seems like a nit-picky, perfectionistic version of me I'm trying to get away from. "Why are you going to this BY YOURSELF? YOU don't like to go places where you don't know at LEAST one other person! Do you know how much other life stuff you have going on right now? WHY?" 

Why indeed. I slammed the door a bit harder than intended. Set my map app. Turned the radio louder to drown her out and drove away.

I was not alone for long. I found out that weekend was where I was supposed to be for that weekend. I don't think of myself as a writer. I think of myself as a person who likes to write now that I don't "have to". Our name tags listed our name as well as what we had entered on our registration. Mine said "devotionals/blogger". I made the mistake a few times of saying I "just" have a blog. I was reminded and encouraged that nothing is "just". Point taken. Learn to own it. "I am a writer" Take that, anxiety!

I sat with different people over the few days. Some had come alone. Some had come with friends. Many it was first-time attendance. Some had attended numerous years. I sat with an older couple. The wife referred to her husband as her boyfriend. So cute!. They shared they had recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary with their family. I didn't tell him that he reminded me of my dad. That would have made me cry. I sat with men and women younger and older than me. I listened as they shared why they were attending and some of their stories they were willing to share. I was able to encourage some. Many encouraged me a lot. 

I didn't realize until a few meals in that some of the people sitting at our tables were "in the industry" of writing: editors, publishers, authors, agents, presenters of the sessions. I was a bit intimidated when I made that little discovery. Why was I surprised though? They have to eat too! Anxiety snuck up again as I tried to replay conversations in my mind where I might have said something I shouldn't have to someone I shouldn't have. 

I learned a lot. The weekend ended. I came home. The feeling to write has nagged me. I made an online Facebook support group because I don't have time right now to meet in person. I "friended" some of the attendees. They "friended" me. Writing is really kind of lonely overall. Sharing what is in my head and heart is kind of overwhelming overall. 

How many times have I let what or who I didn't know get in my way? Is what we have written on our name tag as a job or how we would describe ourselves really what matters? It was a Christian writers conference. Would/Do people know that about me without seeing it on a name tag? 

I write this to remind me...and you....don't let what you don't know stop you. I was reminded of the verse: 

Hebrews 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

and then I found verse 6: 

So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

To those who shared hospitality with me: thank you for being an angel when I needed one. My new name tag: mere mortal/writer

Alarmed

I was sitting in a parking lot when I heard it. It wasn't the first time. It won't be the last. Sometimes it's even my fault!

A car alarm blaring in the not too far distance. Loud. Annoying. Continuous....until the owner pushes the right button and shuts off the annoying blare. I'm sure when car alarms were first produced they served the purpose intended. The alarm is aimed to protect your car from being stolen. Occasionally helpful as a personal way to find the vehicle if a person is not good at remembering where the car is parked. (eh hem)

B E E P

Since car alarms are now just part of the way we do our daily business, the alarm seems to be mainly ignored by anyone else around the car. If the noise continues long enough, someone might mention it to a nearby business to see if the owner can be located. Overall though? Ignored.

I went to some Easter productions over the weekend. The Good Friday service was worship music interspersed with the life and death of Jesus those last days. The thing that hit me the most? A steady heart beat. The slowed heart beat with labored breathing. The heart beat. Stopped. Not like you would hear in a hospital, hooked to a monitor, an alarm might trip, flat line, a steady beep....until the machine is turned off.

This time? No hospital. No monitor. The heart beat. HIS h e a r t  b e a t  just....stopped.

I didn't know how alarming that would be for me as it brought me back to the living room and the final days of our dad the year before. He had fought Melanoma cancer 4 times. This time he was losing. It took almost a month in all for him to let go. The day after mom's 75th birthday. 52+ years married. 5 kids. 9 grand kids. 1 great grandson. That day the Hospice nurse left saying it probably wouldn't be long. A few hours later, I checked for a heart beat with a stethoscope I am not qualified to use. I expected to hear that steady, but slowing thump thump. There was nothing.

I had not had anyone THIS close to me die. I had heard the alarms of others as they shared their stories of grief in the classes I had attended knowing what was coming for our family. I had seen the blips of posts on FB and obituaries as others lost loved ones. I could ignore and be rather blissfully unaware....until that day.

B E E P

The other Easter production showed creation, Adam and Eve (BEEP), Noah (BEEP BEEP) , Abraham, Joseph, Moses (LET MY PEOPLE GO BEEP BEEP BEEEEP).

JESUS

Some of the miracles portrayed. (BEEP BEEP BEEP) Palm Sunday where the people cheered for their King that was the King they needed, but not the King they wanted. Jealous leaders that were claiming to teach about God, but didn't know God. Supper with friends the disciples. Betrayed. Arrested. Falsely accused. Whipped. Beaten. Crucified. The slowed heart beat with labored breathing. IT IS FINISHED.

Put in a tomb. A rolled away stone. A glorious morning. Tell the story. Then.

Fast forward to now. The alarms are sounding. Do we hear? Do we ignore? Do we tell others? Do we just quiet the alarm and go on about our day? Do we go to church, sing a song, join a Bible study, listen to Christian radio?

Do we write a blog?

BBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ephesians 1:17 (NIV) I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

Mark 16:6(NIV) “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene,who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.

The Daily Mental Walk of Shame

I wrote this for a short story contest. I had been kicking the idea around in my head. Not necessarily a short story format, but it gave me a deadline. Honestly? I need deadlines. I can procrastinate something fierce without one....even with deadlines too often I wait until the last minute....or close to it.

So, I didn't win. However, in the long run, I'm ok with that. If I had, I couldn't use it for a year. I'm hoping it will help others to read it as much as it helped me to write it. It is a bit more non-fiction than I would probably admit most days.

The Daily Mental Walk of Shame

My name is Cera. Cera Bellum. My age doesn't really matter. Overall, it doesn't. By most people's standards, I am pretty smart. At least I am usually. On the days when the brain fog is not quite so foggy, I can seem quite intelligent. 

Every day starts out pretty much the same. I wake up. Usually much later than I planned on, and after hitting snooze at least one time more than I should. Should. It's like could and would. I really don't like those words. They make me feel guilty. It's early yet. Too early for guilt. Moving on. 

It has been awhile since I jumped right out of bed ready to take on the world in the Land of Overwhelm.

When I make it out of bed, sometimes even before I'm out of bed, I mentally climb a ladder. The ladder leads to the platform that will begin the daily walk across to the other platform known as the end of the day. The other platform that signifies the end of one day blurring into the next. The platform that leads back to a bed and insomnia's version of sleep. 

Sometime during that walk there will be the dip into the prescription bottle that makes the tightrope connecting the platforms not quite as narrow. More like a bridge. My time has become measured by the filling of the med boxes from the bottles: 2 fills of 2 boxes and it is time for more refills and another month has passed. I didn't even always need meds. Now? Meds help. Most days. Most. Days. I also found out it is much easier to talk to a doctor about other family member's prescriptions than my own.

Some days, the better days, the walk can start on an almost wider  bridge. However, sometimes the space narrows to a tightrope as the day goes on. Then the real balancing act begins.

Some days the ladder leads to a roller coaster with ups and downs and loopy loops. The goal is to not have so many downs. I don't like roller coasters, especially the big drop at the beginning to allow for picking up the speed.

A wide walkway is better as I do not walk alone. I have "friends" traveling along with me. I would not have always called them friends. Sometimes I still don't. I don't know what else to call them either. Maybe just by their names. 

Dee Pression  and Ann Xiety

Dee and Ann each hang on to a hand as I make the daily crossing. Some days are easier than others.

On a not so easy day, Dee tries to whisper slowly droning in my ear even before we are fully awake. "You don't really feel like getting out of bed today do you?" "Shower? Why? Too much work!"  “These PJs are comfy! Why get dressed?”

Ann says in a rushed, panicked voice, “There will be people out there! They will have expectations and you might have to answer the phone, Cera! You hate answering the phone. You would rather text. Here. Don't forget your smartphone, dummy. Oh and by the way there's a new game app you should download so you can avoid your fear of roller coasters. Hey, look a cat video!”

Along the daily walk, sometimes we meet others that also know Dee and Ann. We covertly nod as we pass, but we do not talk. Besides not everyone can see Dee and Ann like they would a broken leg or glasses. They just think we do not try hard enough or we are lazy. How hard is it to get out of bed and shower?!?! 

We see cutesy or scary ads and social media posts that state “reach out for help”. “You are not alone.” “Mental illness can become mental wellness.”

Dee and Ann whisper loudly past those with taunts of “You don't really want us to leave do you? People would see the real you! What if they don't like you? You know not everybody even believes in us. Do you see what happens to some of those celebrity people when it is a mental illness and not physical? That could happen to you.”

So, I hold it in and somewhat together another day. Not reaching out. Feeling alone. Dealing with mental issues people do not always acknowledge. Mental issues that I don't always acknowledge.

Dee, Ann and I near the platform at the other end of the tightrope as another day closes.

There I introduce Dee and Ann to some new friends waiting there for us: Hope and Faith. Maybe those meds, ads and social media posts do work.

Tomorrow's walk.....and all those to come will be better. At least mostly, right?

Missing You

My brain is not comprehending
how you were HERE
and now you're not.

My brain is feeling overwhelmed
with emotions
and memories.

My body is remembering
sitting next to you
holding your hand.

My spirit feels tired
until I remember
there is more than this
than missing you
than trying not to think
too much
not to feel
too much.

My soul can think
eternally
while my mind grapples
the past and the present
with small bits of the future.

The grief
I've shoved in a place
deep inside my mind
until I think
I'm ready
to deal with it
on my terms.

Your smile
your laugh
your heart
your YOU
Missed.
Never forgotten.

kl
4-26-18

It's been over a month since our dad lost his cancer battle. I don't know what I THOUGHT it would be like. I had time to prepare. I thought I was. I thought I did. It is not like what I thought. I have kept myself busy with some things that were really important and NEEDED to be done sooner than later. I have kept myself busy with stuff that just fills time. So I don't have to think or feel. I go through motions.

Missing You isn't just about grief. It is about life changes that have come up at a time I really don't need more to deal with. Time to make decisions about things I would rather not decide. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Following the thought of "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", I think God and my dad have more faith in my abilities than I do.

Revelation 21:4 (NIV) He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Papers and Needles

Most of the time, our jobs are more than something we do just to earn a paycheck. Sometimes we plan a career. Sometimes a career seems to fall in our lap. Sometimes we love it. Sometimes we are just passing time and waiting until a better opportunity comes along. People talk about passion. Sometimes what we are passionate about is not something that seems to be something we can make a living at. Sometimes we learn to love what we do. Sometimes not.

What a blessing that each of us has different talents. Can you imagine being forced into an occupation that maybe you do not have a talent for....or maybe even not have the stomach to do? The title Papers and Needles refers to my sister and I.

I am the papers. Bookkeeping, accounting, taxes, and numbers. Those are things I can handle. Writing when I was told to do it in school was not rewarding. Now I enjoy it. Even as we become more of a paperless society, I am more of a hands off type of person.

My sister is the needles. She is a nurse. Needles, blood, vitals and patients. Those are all things she can handle with ease. Patient care, informing families, and charting are all things she runs into on a normal night. She has planned her schooling and career around her family which I greatly admire. She is definitely hands on.

Communication and customer service are skills that are assets on any job. There are times that we are called to use (or fake our way through) skills we didn't even know we possessed. However, when given a choice, we usually know what we are best at and what type of jobs we feel we are best fitted for.

Often, if we are parents, we may be at home taking care of the littles, or in addition to our paid jobs. Parenting involves skills that can incorporate papers, needles, counseling and any other of a wide variety of skills we seem to learn along the way. Sometimes we may need to rely on “experts” just like on any other job. Sometimes we are learning skills that will help us help others along their journey or just be able to help someone by saying “me too”.

Wherever you are in your job search or career, I pray that you get to use your skills and talents to encourage yourself and others and to make a life while making a living.

Romans 12:6-8 (NIV) We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,  do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.