How's Your Day?

"How's your day?" asks the teller at the bank oh so casually. She was busy processing my transaction. She hadn't really glanced up or she probably would have noticed the teary look on my face. Or maybe she would have thought I always looked like that. She doesn't know me. It was my first time at that branch. Even a teller at my own "home" branch probably wouldn't have noticed. I pride (?) myself on thinking I hide my feelings so well. HA! I'm discovering I am only fooling myself. I have a horrible poker face. Emotions on sleeve. Check.

"How's your day?" SUCH a loaded question. Is he/she just making pleasant conversation? (Probably) Does the person asking REALLY want to know? (At a bank? Probably not) Do you answer truthfully? (Crappy thanks. And you?) Just say fine to get it out of the way and get the business you need done? (Just take my money and move on. No need to be pleasant!) Answer back almost parrot-like, "how's YOUR day?" (tempting.....)

Quite honestly, today was NOT the greatest day. I honestly answered after I hesitated a bit...."I've had better" to say fine would have been lying....mostly to myself.

I have had better. I have also had worse. I am not usually so honest with a stranger. I am not even usually that honest with myself! My mind repeats....fine, fine, fine. My heart goes....not so much, not so much.

When the not so fine, I've had better days are few and far between, I feel like I at least have a grip on life. When those days are coming closer and closer together, like they have been lately? Oh, the grip is not quite so tight. The smile is not quite so forth-coming. The tears are much closer to the surface and sometimes even spill out.

However? I am beginning to realize that the way of handling those days is much more important than how I answer the question.

There will always be something that can turn even the best day quickly into what seems like frustration overdrive.

Having a less than stellar day? Try some of the following:

Acknowledge - If it sucks? Say so. Even if it is only admitting it to yourself.

Better - There WILL be better day(s). It may not be today or the next day, but take your better whenever and however you can....even if it comes in increments and not the whole day.

Grateful - Find something, ANYTHING to be grateful for!

Laugh - Find a way to stretch those smile muscles.

Strength - When you feel weak, borrow somebody else's strength until you feel yours coming back.

Ice Cream - When all else fails, do what you gotta do. Get sprinkles. Everything's better with sprinkles.

**Nudges - Pay attention to the nudges. If you feel like you are supposed to take a little extra time to do some praying, devotions, etc? DO IT. I'm finding out this is God's way of providing that extra strength I'll need....before I know I need it.

**That nudge this AM made this an "I've had better" day instead of a curl up in a fetal position in bed day when I made it home.

Romans 8:37-39 (NIV) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Necklaces

Necklaces, lovely to look at. Necklaces can be a piece of art. Necklaces can enhance our wardrobe. As long as they are put away properly, necklaces can be a great source of beauty.

BUT

Maybe one gets in a hurry. Instead of hanging the necklaces nicely in a jewelry box, the necklaces get jumbled up, knotted and, in general, causing a big problem. Especially when the ONE necklace you REALLY want to wear is right in the middle of the jumbled up knot! Of course, by the time one adds the final piece of jewelry before leaving the house, time has already flown by and the necklace is grabbed almost as an afterthought. The jumbled knot is discovered. Time continues to tick. Try to undo the knots? Pick another necklace? Go necklaceless? ;(

Emotions and thoughts, lovely to feel (sometimes), can be expressed through art, can enhance our outlook on life. As long as handled properly, emotions and thoughts can bring a great source of fulfillment.

BUT

Maybe one gets a little bit too much of life thrown at them. Instead of handling emotions and thoughts as they come up, they get pushed down or aside, making us feel knotted up inside and, in general, causing a big problem. Especially when that ONE event you REALLY DON'T want to deal with is right in the middle of the jumbled up knot! Of course, by the time one realizes the emotions and thoughts are heading downhill, time has already flown by and the skills we have learned to deal with them are remembered almost as an afterthought. The jumbled feelings are becoming overwhelming. Time continues to tick. Try to handle on our own? Get some help? Go emotionless? :(

Kind of a silly comparison, but sometimes what life feels like sometimes, doesn't it? The necklaces are just a visual of what our heads and hearts can feel like sometimes. A way to give a picture to the feelings. When thought of like this, maybe we can even feel like we can have a bit of control over what feels like will control us. When we take a bit of time hanging up necklaces (self-care), there is a much less chance of the necklaces ending up all knotted up and in a jumbled mess (feeling like our emotions and thoughts are controlling us!)

Find what works best for you. Use what works. Have a plan in place that when you feel overwhelmed, you can know what to do without having to add more stress. Phone, text or e-mail a friend. Write in a journal. Pray. Read the Bible. Talk to God. Listen for answers.

We don't have to wait for our lives to feel like a jumbled up, knotted mess. We can start using some of those things ahead of time to strengthen us for when we can't control the knots.

Wear your necklaces, thoughts and emotions. DON'T let them wear you out.They are meant to be shared. YOU have something worth sharing. Keep that jewelry box in your head and heart knot-free. Hugs, my friends.

30 Proverbs 14:30 (MSG) 
A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones.

Isaiah 55:8 (NIV)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

Psalm 139:2 (NIV) You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV) Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Cutting....yesterday, today and tomorrow

My heart hurts. Sometimes the more you know, the more you don't want to know. I have heard more and more lately about "cutting". I don't know a lot about it. I have more to find out. However, what I do know makes me sad....and mad....and.....I'm at a loss for words to describe it.

The little that I do understand of the "why" is because when someone cuts, the emotional pain is replaced by physical pain....and for awhile....the emotional pain goes away....or is felt less.

Maybe this was going on when I was in school, but if it did, I don't remember anyone really talking about it. Maybe we just had different ways of dealing with it. I know we had our share of emotional pain too. It doesn't matter if it was more or less or different. Sometimes I wonder if all the technology and news has made cutting more in our minds, which then leads to more cutting and round and round we go.....

It seems that cutting is a distraction. Maybe finding other distractions or different ways to cope is the answer or at least part of it. Is there an answer?

I guess the main point of this is if you are a parent, please be aware of the issue and talk to your kids. If there are long sleeves always, please find a way to look. Know that arms are not the only place where cutting happens. Maybe start by asking if they know anyone else that cuts or if it has been brought up at school. You might worry that asking will put the idea in their head. More than likely cutting....or something similar is already there....you're just letting them know it's OK to talk about.

If you have cut or are actively cutting, PLEASE find someone to talk to. It doesn't even have to be a "professional". Find somebody you can trust. Be open. You might help them deal with some of their own stuff too.

We can all benefit from being more transparent. We all have stuff we deal with. We all have different ways of dealing with it. Sometimes we hurt others. Sometimes we hurt ourselves. Sometimes we deal with it by NOT dealing with it. Hurting....hurts!

Cutting leaves external scars. Constant reminders of the pain we've dealt with. IF we can find another way to deal with pain, maybe we can move through it and past it and leave it in yesterday. Choose today to deal with it. Know that your tomorrows can be better.

Roller Coaster...of emotions

Feelings.....whoa, whoa, f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s......

As far as I know, you will not find this roller coaster at any theme park. It's so scary, I don't think many would willingly get on it.....let alone pay to ride it.....and yet we do.....every....day.

Emotions have taken on such a stigma in our culture. Kids that wear too much black....or all black are called "emo" :(  Maybe they just like black....or maybe they are working through something in life and that's how they deal with it.

I know what emotions can be, but I don't recall ever looking it up...so thanks to Webster's: emotion: a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body 

???? ummm I'm not sure that cleared anything up for me. Until I looked up the word subjective and found the word perception. Makes sense, right? How we see the roller coaster...even if we decide to ride it....is based on our perceptions of what has happened to us or around us in the past.

We move further and further away from "feeling" our feelings. We get in such a hurry that we don't stop to think about WHY we might be feeling that way.  I'm finding out the hard way. You can't tell somebody else not to feel a certain way about something. It is their emotion and feeling. It is based on their perception of what is going on. Same as us. I can't tell myself not to feel a certain way about something.


What we can do is change how much we let that feeling(s) affect us. We can be in charge of how long we ride the roller coaster....or if we'll even get on in the first place. We can decide if we're willing to ride along with someone else on their roller coaster....or we can stand on the side and wait for their ride to be over! (This might be the safest choice!)


Having written all of that though, I also know that our brains can get clouded by depression, fear, anxiety.... where it feels like we have no control or choice of riding. We're just on it. Going up and down...maybe not as many ups. A little while is natural. We do what we can do with what we have. BUT if you feel like you will never get off the roller coaster and enjoy some days where feelings are not trying to rule your world? Talk to a friend. Talk to a doctor and make sure there is nothing mentally or physically wrong. A doctor once explained to me, medicine can make the highs not so high, but the lows not so low. 


One consolation? We don't have to ride the roller coaster alone. Even on our worst days, when we feel the most unlovable. God can be right there in the front seat with us. Putting life a little more in perspective. Helping us adjust our perception. Helping us realize those hills that look so frightening on the ground can help us learn how to deal with the stuff of life.....and enjoy the ride....on or off the roller coaster.

Jeremiah 31:27 “The days are coming,” declares the LORD, “when I will plant the kingdoms of Israel and Judah with the offspring of people and of animals. ²⁸ Just as I watched over them to uproot and tear down, and to overthrow, destroy and bring disaster, so I will watch over them to build and to plant,” declares the LORD.

Sunflower, Sun Downer to Light even in darkness

^{John 3:16-21 (NIV) 16} "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

I've been thinking about the sunflowers and impending fall and winter for the last few days. The www.biblegateway.com verses of the day were 20-21 above so I knew today was time. When I read them, I didn't even think about that John 3:16 was part of this passage.

I missed taking a picture of the field of sunflowers I viewed on the way to one of our boating outings. There seemed to be 100s all opened wide and enjoying the sunshine. Each one looked like its own little version of the sun. I am not really an outdoorsy type person. I sunburn easily so it just seems like a chore to get all ready to be outside for any length of time. However, I try to remember to enjoy those few months of sunshine....trying to build up stamina for when I know we'll be indoors trying to avoid the cold and darkness of winter.

A few weeks later, we drive by the same field. Apparently, sunflower season is over. The same sunflowers that were so perky last drive by, are hanging their heads and starting to wither/dry up. Our family historically has not handled the lack of sunshine well. As leaves change and fall and darkness seems to come earlier and earlier, sadness seems to descend and tempers can flare. We're not as perky. We've found ways to adapt, but I still am not real fond of the upcoming time of the lack of sunshine.

I have come to realize that recognizing the problem for what it is, is half the battle. Remembering that emotions are stronger than I like and some overwhelmingly float to the top. Fighting the good fight is still worth it. We don't fight alone. Jesus was sent into the world to help us overcome darkness, physically and mentally. Remembering to let him help....is the other half of the battle.

After the darkness and the winter, the sunflowers will be back, reaching again toward the sun. We will too and we'll reach toward the Son through it all.