My brain is not comprehending
how you were HERE
and now you're not.
My brain is feeling overwhelmed
with emotions
and memories.
My body is remembering
sitting next to you
holding your hand.
My spirit feels tired
until I remember
there is more than this
than missing you
than trying not to think
too much
not to feel
too much.
My soul can think
eternally
while my mind grapples
the past and the present
with small bits of the future.
The grief
I've shoved in a place
deep inside my mind
until I think
I'm ready
to deal with it
on my terms.
Your smile
your laugh
your heart
your YOU
Missed.
Never forgotten.
kl
4-26-18
It's been over a month since our dad lost his cancer battle. I don't know what I THOUGHT it would be like. I had time to prepare. I thought I was. I thought I did. It is not like what I thought. I have kept myself busy with some things that were really important and NEEDED to be done sooner than later. I have kept myself busy with stuff that just fills time. So I don't have to think or feel. I go through motions.
Missing You isn't just about grief. It is about life changes that have come up at a time I really don't need more to deal with. Time to make decisions about things I would rather not decide. Not now. Maybe not ever.
Following the thought of "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", I think God and my dad have more faith in my abilities than I do.
Revelation 21:4 (NIV) He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Thursday, April 26, 2018
Sunday, February 04, 2018
Jesus Wept
One of the shortest verses in the Bible (making it really easy to memorize) is: Jesus wept. (John 11:35 NIV) As usual, with all good stories there is more to it than just those 2 words. I had heard the story of Lazarus many times. What was different this time?
Lazarus, as well as his sisters Mary and Martha, was a friend of Jesus. While Jesus was out of town, his friend became sick. His sisters sent word to Jesus and the disciples that Lazarus was sick. They knew that if Jesus could come back there, He could make Lazarus better. Jesus would heal him. They had seen Him perform miracles! However, by the time Jesus returned to their city, Lazarus had already been dead for 4 days. His family and friends were devastated and weary from grief.
They went to visit the tomb where Lazarus was. There was a stone placed in front of the tomb. The family and friends were crying. Jesus wept. The friends were thinking oh Jesus loved Lazarus so much. And He did. He also knew that this was a way to show people what could still be done for Lazarus.
Jesus prayed and said for Lazarus to come out. He did!
The extra thing I heard recently and the more I think about it makes a lot of sense is that Jesus may not have only been weeping over losing a friend. Jesus had the additional knowledge of the glorious place Lazarus had been and what He was bringing Lazarus back to.
Even as Christians and the promise of eternal life, death is hard, painful and sometimes almost unbearable. We do not see our family or friend. We can't just ring them up on the phone. We see and hear things that remind of us those we miss. We weep.
In the day to day grief, knowing there is a better place to be than the earth around us helps. Most days. Some days we just miss them so much that even knowing doesn't seem enough.The waiting just seems too long.
The miracle of Lazarus made some people angry and further set the wheels in motion leading toward the death of Jesus. People expected a King. Jesus is not the King they expected. Some of the same people that were amazed at the miracles were the same people that were later yelling "crucify him!"
Later, Jesus would be placed in a tomb behind a large stone, when His friends came weeping.....He was no longer in the tomb.
The full story of Lazarus is in John 11. www.biblegateway.com is an excellent resource for looking up Bible (MANY versions) books, chapters, verses and words.
John 14:2 (NIV) My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
Revelation 21:4 (NIV) ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Lazarus, as well as his sisters Mary and Martha, was a friend of Jesus. While Jesus was out of town, his friend became sick. His sisters sent word to Jesus and the disciples that Lazarus was sick. They knew that if Jesus could come back there, He could make Lazarus better. Jesus would heal him. They had seen Him perform miracles! However, by the time Jesus returned to their city, Lazarus had already been dead for 4 days. His family and friends were devastated and weary from grief.
They went to visit the tomb where Lazarus was. There was a stone placed in front of the tomb. The family and friends were crying. Jesus wept. The friends were thinking oh Jesus loved Lazarus so much. And He did. He also knew that this was a way to show people what could still be done for Lazarus.
Jesus prayed and said for Lazarus to come out. He did!
The extra thing I heard recently and the more I think about it makes a lot of sense is that Jesus may not have only been weeping over losing a friend. Jesus had the additional knowledge of the glorious place Lazarus had been and what He was bringing Lazarus back to.
Even as Christians and the promise of eternal life, death is hard, painful and sometimes almost unbearable. We do not see our family or friend. We can't just ring them up on the phone. We see and hear things that remind of us those we miss. We weep.
In the day to day grief, knowing there is a better place to be than the earth around us helps. Most days. Some days we just miss them so much that even knowing doesn't seem enough.The waiting just seems too long.
The miracle of Lazarus made some people angry and further set the wheels in motion leading toward the death of Jesus. People expected a King. Jesus is not the King they expected. Some of the same people that were amazed at the miracles were the same people that were later yelling "crucify him!"
Later, Jesus would be placed in a tomb behind a large stone, when His friends came weeping.....He was no longer in the tomb.
The full story of Lazarus is in John 11. www.biblegateway.com is an excellent resource for looking up Bible (MANY versions) books, chapters, verses and words.
John 14:2 (NIV) My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
Thursday, December 31, 2015
A Different New Year
A Different New Year
We started the year with you here
Now it's been months with you gone.
The days go so slow, but already a new
year will begin.
I pick up the phone to call you a few
times a week
I still haven't erased your number from
my phone
It hurts to not get calls from you or
hugs or I love yous
It hurts because you were loved
We drive past the cemetery
We stop when we can
Even though it's just a slab in the
ground
It helps to be near you
To think of you
We look at pictures
Of you
With us
We smile through tears
As we remember
I've learned some things to start this
New Year
Not resolutions, they don't seem to
last.
Patience.
Not to take people or the time
they so willingly share for granted.
To smile more.
To hug more.
To say I love you MORE.
TODAY when possible not put off for
tomorrow
because tomorrow become todays and
yesterdays.
Yesterdays are what we remember
But we will continue to live in today
So we'll start our different new year
Like a new chapter in an ongoing book
Characters will come and love and leave
This is not The End...
kl 12-31-15
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