Alarmed

I was sitting in a parking lot when I heard it. It wasn't the first time. It won't be the last. Sometimes it's even my fault!

A car alarm blaring in the not too far distance. Loud. Annoying. Continuous....until the owner pushes the right button and shuts off the annoying blare. I'm sure when car alarms were first produced they served the purpose intended. The alarm is aimed to protect your car from being stolen. Occasionally helpful as a personal way to find the vehicle if a person is not good at remembering where the car is parked. (eh hem)

B E E P

Since car alarms are now just part of the way we do our daily business, the alarm seems to be mainly ignored by anyone else around the car. If the noise continues long enough, someone might mention it to a nearby business to see if the owner can be located. Overall though? Ignored.

I went to some Easter productions over the weekend. The Good Friday service was worship music interspersed with the life and death of Jesus those last days. The thing that hit me the most? A steady heart beat. The slowed heart beat with labored breathing. The heart beat. Stopped. Not like you would hear in a hospital, hooked to a monitor, an alarm might trip, flat line, a steady beep....until the machine is turned off.

This time? No hospital. No monitor. The heart beat. HIS h e a r t  b e a t  just....stopped.

I didn't know how alarming that would be for me as it brought me back to the living room and the final days of our dad the year before. He had fought Melanoma cancer 4 times. This time he was losing. It took almost a month in all for him to let go. The day after mom's 75th birthday. 52+ years married. 5 kids. 9 grand kids. 1 great grandson. That day the Hospice nurse left saying it probably wouldn't be long. A few hours later, I checked for a heart beat with a stethoscope I am not qualified to use. I expected to hear that steady, but slowing thump thump. There was nothing.

I had not had anyone THIS close to me die. I had heard the alarms of others as they shared their stories of grief in the classes I had attended knowing what was coming for our family. I had seen the blips of posts on FB and obituaries as others lost loved ones. I could ignore and be rather blissfully unaware....until that day.

B E E P

The other Easter production showed creation, Adam and Eve (BEEP), Noah (BEEP BEEP) , Abraham, Joseph, Moses (LET MY PEOPLE GO BEEP BEEP BEEEEP).

JESUS

Some of the miracles portrayed. (BEEP BEEP BEEP) Palm Sunday where the people cheered for their King that was the King they needed, but not the King they wanted. Jealous leaders that were claiming to teach about God, but didn't know God. Supper with friends the disciples. Betrayed. Arrested. Falsely accused. Whipped. Beaten. Crucified. The slowed heart beat with labored breathing. IT IS FINISHED.

Put in a tomb. A rolled away stone. A glorious morning. Tell the story. Then.

Fast forward to now. The alarms are sounding. Do we hear? Do we ignore? Do we tell others? Do we just quiet the alarm and go on about our day? Do we go to church, sing a song, join a Bible study, listen to Christian radio?

Do we write a blog?

BBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ephesians 1:17 (NIV) I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

Mark 16:6(NIV) “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene,who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.

Who is that man?

I meant to write this AT Easter, but life stayed busy. The fog of grief is not easy to get out from under. Planning a funeral is like planning a big party, but the guest of honor doesn't attend. It is a sad occasion with glimpses of laughter clouded by tears. There is paperwork. SO much paperwork. And decisions. Some minor. Some major. Not all can wait until the fog clears. We move slowly through dealing with life without dad, and the world spins on while it feels like a bomb dropped in our family.

I kept thinking what else is there to be said at/about Easter? SO many things have already been said/written. BUT amazingly enough when glancing back there is a link for me this year that I have not felt before. An innocent question recently that reminded me of long ago.

"Who is that man?" asked a 5 year old at our dad's visitation. I had wondered if it would be too overwhelming for the grand kids and other children that would come to see us. While death is a part of life, it is not one that is easy for us as grown ups to process let alone share with children that have questions we may not even be ready to answer for ourselves.

I thought he was looking at my brother so I started to explain that man was my brother like he had his brother along.

"No," he said. "Who is that man lying in the box by the flag?" He meant our dad. I explained it was our dad's body, but he wasn't there anymore. I don't like to say sleeping because that seems like it would make kids scared to go to sleep.

We knew dad's life journey was coming to an end. He had battled melanoma cancer that returned more times than he could fight. We had some time to process at least a bit before that day. While it was painful for us as his children to start grieving. We, as parents, were also worried about how our kids would deal with losing "Grandpa Bob".

I started to explain death to them as a butterfly. The caterpillar goes into that cocoon. When it comes out it is not the same. It breaks out of the cocoon and it is set free!

Each of us are body, mind and spirit. Our spirit lives in our body, but when it is time, we leave this body behind and we are set free!

A long time ago, many people were asking that same question: "Who is that man?"

He was a carpenter's son, he understood things that teachers couldn't explain, he gathered a group of disciples around him, he traveled around doing miracles, healing people, talking about His father, and telling stories that had a deeper meaning. People started to think He was the king they had been waiting for. They welcomed him to town by waving palm branches and saying "Hosanna!"

A group of religious leaders were asking the same question: "Who is that man?" He says he is the son of God. That he can tear down the temple and rebuild it in 3 days. He is getting too powerful. We must stop him! They found a way to get Jesus out of the way. They took him to higher ups that found him not guilty.

They wanted death by crucifixion even if it meant letting someone worse go. The same people that welcomed Jesus to their town with a parade were now shouting "Crucify him!" and they did. They hung a sign over his head to tell the world who he was: Jesus, King of the Jews.

He was later placed in a tomb with a large stone and guards in front of it. On the 3rd day, when some of his friends came, they were met by an angel: He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. (Matthew 28:6 NIV)

"Who is that man?" JESUS He was and is who He claims to be.

This year, the promise of eternal life became more obvious for our family.

It is BECAUSE Jesus died, that we are changed, we can have everlasting life and we are set free.

BLESSED EASTER!

Daddy

Daddy

When I was born

a man became a daddy

He tickled my face

and waited for my first smile

He held my hands

as I took my first steps

He told me he loved me 

He told me of God 

and a love from above

He taught me of Jesus

and took me to church

He taught me with actions

not just from a book

The day is coming

when my daddy will take

his last breath

Then he'll see our Daddy 

he told me so much about

K.L. 3-9-18

Life and death in music

We have gotten used to synthesized and auto tuned music. I even "heard" back up singers that were not there because of a plugged in device that multiplied/harmonized a (singular) singer's voice. I only knew this because I was at a concert and it was explained and demonstrated. Wow! It was awesome, but really hit home the point that what we hear may not always match up with what we see if we are watching music being played.

I have had a thought when I SEE music being played, especially recently. There is something different about watching music being played: a band (marching or otherwise), a symphony, a concert, etc. and just hearing it played as a movie backdrop or on the radio.

The thing I notice though is that while watching music being played, I NOTICE more if an instrument is missing during a certain section OR I NOTICE an instrument being played. I may not know the name of it, but I see it being played and can pick out the sound or lack of.

Music. The tempo of our lives. People. The instruments that play along with us in our own personal symphonies.

One of our family's favorite movies has become Mr Holland's Opus for numerous reasons. It is about a teacher by default as music isn't paying the bills. Along the way, Mr. Holland finds out he loves teaching more than he ever thought he would. The music is used to show the passage of time and is almost a character of the movie. The movie has mentions of John Lennon (Husband is a fan of all things Beatles!). There are really good references to history. Throughout the movie, Mr. Holland is always working on a piece of music that could make him rich, famous or possibly both. In the end, he wasn't rich or famous outside of his little town. His family, friends and students were his Opus and they were the music of his life.

In the plot of the movie, I see how this finally tied all together for me. The instruments of our own life symphony are those closest to us. We (most of the time) play well together and make beautiful music. Sometimes more often than we'd like, we hit sour notes....but continue on. Sometimes we lose a member of the band we've formed. Sometimes it is temporary. Sometimes it is permanent. And the beat goes on. But differently.
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It has been 2 weeks since husband's dad passed away. Our beat is out of sync. We're learning to live without one of our musicians. More difficult than thought prior. :(
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1 Chronicles 15:16 (NIV) David told the leaders of the Levites to appoint their fellow Levites as musicians to make a joyful sound with musical instruments: lyres, harps and cymbals.

2 Chronicles 5:13 (NIV) The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang: “He is good; his love endures forever.” Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud,

Psalm 57:7 (NIV) My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

Psalm 98:4 (NIV)  Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music;

Psalm 108:1 (NIV) My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul.

Tears

Hubby and I are journeying on a new road as of Sunday. We have been married 26+ years. We have experienced highs and lows. Sometimes in the opposite order. Sometimes for extended periods of time. We have experienced the joys of our children, the miscarriage of a child, the death of grandparents and pets that have felt like family members, but not until Sunday have we experienced the death of one of our parents.

We are so grateful that at the ages we are that we have been blessed to have all of our parents for as long as we have. We know many children that have not been able to have parents in their lives as long. We know parents that miss their children and that ALWAYS seems way too early.

Sometimes death creeps up unexpectedly or comes crashing into our lives quickly.We were blessed to have some warning so that we had time to take for some special memories to be created and later remembered. We had a chance to say I love you, goodbye and we'll see you again someday. We know too often that we always think there will be a next day and then one day, there isn't.

I'm sure, eventually, we will find a new normal. BUT right now, there are tears. Happy and sad.

There will be tears that will be accompanied by laughter because we will remember one of the many times we shared laughter or near the end, an eye roll when words just couldn't (or shouldn't) be said at that time.

There will be tears that will tear our heart apart.

There will be tears when we pick up the phone to call and we realize we can still talk just in a different way.

There will be tears that fall down our face like gentle rain and tears that will gush like a waterfall just because.

There will be tears of sadness as a memory crosses our mind and we realize there will be no more new memories. They will become tears of gladness as we realize we are grateful for the memories we have.

There will be tears as we realize that there will be others that will pass and we don't know when or how and we don't know how we will even begin to handle all of that. There will be tears as we realize it is a blessing to not need to know the future it is enough to know WHO holds our futures.

There will be a day when the tears don't come as often. We'll be able to mention and talk about our loved one with less tears and we will smile at the memories and thoughts that they bring to mind.

Life will never be the same, but our lives are changed because of the time we had together and eventually we will smile through the tears.

John 11:35 (NIV) Jesus wept.

Psalm 126:5-6 (NLT) Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Revelation 21:4 (NIV) ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Feeling selfish

When I finally woke up today, I felt a bit blue. Our family has a lot of stuff going on. Everybody does. It would be very easy to just stay in bed, pull the covers up over my head and just have a good cry. Easier, in fact, then getting up and doing the things I know need to get done on a Saturday. I'm even home to do them. Just not really feeling like it. My heart knows not to let my emotions rule. My head sometimes wants to just go back to bed. So, instead I'll write.

I also know that when I take time, even just a few minutes, to acknowledge and spend time with God it is never time wasted. I always learn something. I always feel better when I do. Sometimes I think God will be disappointed that He wasn't my first way of dealing with issues. I'm more disappointed in myself than He ever is.

I got out my Women of Faith Devotional Bible. I read a few different passages. I realized in the front there are different topics....Grace. Liberty. Hope. Joy. Faith. Love. Forgiveness. Truth. Purpose. Peace. Healing. Sovereignty. The one I am most interested in currently is healing. Mainly because cancer has come to visit our family circle again. Maybe even still. Is it ever really gone once cancer has showed itself? The person with a diagnosis seems to handle it better than the rest of us.

The passage I chose to read is in Revelation. The end, the last book of the Bible. (A fleeting thought goes through my head: Is this the end of life as we've known it?) I read Revelation 22:1-6
The River of Life
 And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever.

When compared to life as we know it here on Earth, the river of life sounds pretty promising. Heaven sounds like a FAR better place than here. I start to feel a bit selfish. I know what I/our family wants to have happen. We want to keep our family member(s) here as long as we can. I feel thankful that we have been able to have our parents with us as long as we have. I know there are children that do not get to have their parents around as long. I know there are parents who have not been able to have their child with them near long enough if at all.

No matter what our future holds, I will remain sure that while our days here are numbered we are blessed to be able to be in each other's lives. I believe that God promises a "new heaven and a new earth" (Rev. 21:1) and Revelation 21:4-5 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

In an effort of not being selfish with good news, I urge you to consider a relationship with God. Not religion. Relationship. God wants the best for you. I do too.

Now....to get to that laundry. Do One Thing, Do One Next Thing

Just a Cat

As we get ready to bring home a new pet
OR another pet has found us.
We quickly attach.
People say, it's just a cat.

We've watched them play
and grow up with our kids.
The kids move away.
The cat stays.
People say, it's just a cat.

Years have passed.
She starts to move slower
and sleep even more.
Barely eats.
Accidents on the floor.
Decision to make.
It's just a cat, people say.

Today our "just a cat"
took her last breath.
Giving in to the shot
that quickly brought death.

We drive home with tears in our eyes.
A hole in our hearts.
Knowing our "just a cat"
is finally at peace.

KL 2/6/14


Psalm 36:5-7 (NIV) 
5 Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Life and Death....and don't miss out on sharing the ride....

I really should be in bed (what else in new?). But there are times when I realize why I'm up. This is one of them. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. We found out earlier tonight that our Grandma's boyfriend died. Grandma died a few years ago. Both of them had memory issues as they aged. When we would visit, we would have the same conversation about 3 times in the time we were there....and usually in the same order. It would be kind of frustrating, in a lovable sort of way. They could remember things that happened YEARS ago, but not things that happened just a few hours....or minutes before.

I always thought it was kind of cool that they found love again at their age. Both of them had been married before. It really said something about grandma because men were pretty much a high commodity where she lived. Men could take their pick. (lock that in memory for future reference, boys....hee hee!)

I would sometimes have to guilt our kids into going to visit on Sunday afternoons when there was usually something else they would rather be doing. Sometimes there was other stuff I would rather be doing too. However, when we would get there and the residents would be so excited to see the kids, it was all worth it. We still remember some of the residents and being counted by one lady as we walked by.

I would remind us that the time would come that they would not be here anymore for us to visit....and we would miss that. It did and we do.

After Grandma died, we would still visit him occasionally. He was worried we would forget him. He would tell us stories of the things he'd done. He was in the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps) and the war. He showed us pictures of himself as a young man. Later, he moved. We went to his birthday party. We told him we would get back to see him. We didn't.

Our older generations are a treasure of history and information. Sometimes we get so busy with today that we forget about yesterday.

^{Hebrews 6:10-12 (NLT) 10} For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do. ¹¹ Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. ¹² Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.

I received the following link in an e-mail from my sister (very timely)....and part of the reason I started out in tears. It reminded me of those times I took the time to spend with my grandma that lived with us for years, Jeff's grandma, her boyfriend, etc. It reminds me that the day will come when my ride is nearing the end....and I may be the one wishing someone would come visit.

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/

Life seems long, love while you can....even if it's while you're forgetting. Our Sundays are not the same. One day they really are gone.

Life Before the Dash -

I was looking at the copyright information in a book I was reading. I'm sure I've noticed before, but this time I looked at it more closely. When the authors name is listed, it states the year of their birth, then a -, then their year of death if they have passed on. This particular author is still here, so behind the dash was empty.

I have noticed this on headstones as well. This is true especially if the headstone is for a married couple. When one spouse dies, their life information is completed - the year is filled in after the dash. The other spouse may have the beginning date, but not the end date while they complete their life.

Sadly, sometimes the year before and after is the same. I have seen a baby's life touch many other lives even if he or she was here for a few days, months, or died the same day of birth. The time here does not make that life any less valuable.

^{Genesis 2:7} (NIV) the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

In Genesis, I have noticed that during creation, many times it states "God said....". However, for man, God formed and breathed into him. Humans are made in God's image.

^{Genesis 1:27} So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

At funerals, we look back at a person's life and state their accomplishments. Living life is in and of itself an accomplishment! Making it from one day to the next is an accomplishment!

We touch many lives during that time of the dash. Too many times I look forward to the next thing, forgetting to live in the moment. Life before the dash is made up of millions of moments. Knowing that we are made in God's image should help us make it through each moment, good or bad.

Let's make our lives before the dash the best we can so that when the end does come, we have no regrets.

Death and/or Dying

2 Peter 3:8-10 (NIV) 8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 10 But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.

I've been thinking about this for a little while...and putting it off. It's not a nice subject....death/dying. Well I guess dying would come first. Funny thing is I kind of started thinking about it because of Michael Jackson's death and all the media attention. Not because I'm all that much of a fan. Sure, I'm a kid of the 80's and the sequin glove, etc. WAS a big part of growing up. I guess it was more because of ALL the attention. Sure, he did some good things with his life and money...didn't always seem that happy, but still some good things. "The King of Pop"

BUT there are LOTS of good people with good intentions that do things everyday that are noteworthy but not noticed. AND there are lots of people that when they pass on will not get all the attention they deserve. Chalk it up to some of the unfairness of life I suppose.

Tonight though I think I found out why I had waited. Before this would have just sounded like a rant about Michael Jackson. I found the complete opposite (thanks to a mom on carepages site). Her son died of cancer. He was 12. She recently posted this website: http://deathisnotdying.com/ I downloaded and listened to the audio. The lady gives an awesome testimony. She did not win her battle. She died July 2 of this year. She was a mom to 2 young kids and a wife and a friend, etc. She gives much info to think about and one of the best explanations I think I've heard of why we need a saving relationship through Jesus.

She will not hit the papers or even TV probably outside of her town in Canada. She will not be known as the queen of anything. She reminded me though of a way to live life because truly we're all dying everyday some people just have a better indication of when that might be.

I've been thinking about it anyway, but tonight I finally shared with my husband and said it out loud: I'm not afraid of death because I know where I'll go, but I am afraid of the dying part. Mostly because of fear of the unknown.

I pray this is not too much of a downer for you. However, I'm believing that in a dark world we need to shine light as much as possible. This lady's video/audio presentation does that. You can't keep news like that to yourself.