Breadstick Tuesday, Someone Else's Mother and Mentoring

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:24 (NLT)

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.  Philippians 2:4 (NLT)

Seriously, I should buy stock in Little Caesar's.  Bless them for having $1/bag (8 sticks) crazy bread on Tuesdays in our area.  Tuesday (most weeks) has become the day I bring lunch to my daughter (and her friends) in middle school.  It has become known as "Bread stick Tuesday".  I try to bring a few extra bags and the kids I give them to are supposed to  share with others at their table.  At least once while I am there, someone other than my daughter calls me mom.  All this only takes about 15 minutes of prep time and approx. 45 minutes for lunch.    For this investment, I am granted insight into my daughter's world and get to see who she hangs out with.  On Tuesdays, she is a popular girl.

I have lunch with another girl and other kids who decide to come with us that day.  There have been as few as one to a whole roomful of between 10 - 15.  We leave the lunchroom and go to a conference room in the office.  There is no planned discussion (except for a few times when we've had some issues we needed to take care of).  We talk about anything they want to talk about.  I try to mention at least once during lunch about being a friend and keeping the friends they have.  Every once in awhile, I get to interject something of importance that, hopefully, their parents approve of. 

I wonder how long they will let me continue to be a part of their world?  I suppose as long as I bring food...at least for awhile longer.

With my son, there were a few times into 9th grade and then it was kind of awkward as he and his friends had different lunchtimes.  For them it wasn't bread sticks.  There was one boy who liked chocolate milk, another liked apples.  One boy's mom had passed away during the year.  I always made sure he got a cookie.  One time when I was in his class, he shared with me about his mom.  I was honored that he trusted me enough to share.

Without realizing it or intending to, I have become a mentor (per Webster: a trusted counselor or guide).  The kids I have lunch with have become mentors to me also.  I give them a view of the world outside school.  They give me a view of inside school and the pre-teen mind....scary, I know!  ;)

Do I always feel like going when Tuesday rolls around?  That would be no.  Are there other things that I could/should be doing for that hour on Tuesday?  Sure.  However, for these moments in time while I am welcomed into their world, I cherish being called mom by someone other than my own kids.

Bread sticks are a small investment for making a kid feel noticed and important.  At least for 1/2 hour lunch on Tuesday.

In a world where we continue to connect more and more through cyberspace, we need human interaction.  I urge you to find a place that has a space that only you can fill.....as a volunteer or mentor....or another kid's extra mom or dad.  We can never have too many people care for us.  Share your knowledge.  Share your love.  Share your time....it's the best investment you will ever make.

Just Right....Parenting

^{Proverbs 22:6} Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

In the story The Three Bears, Goldilocks finds porridge, chairs and beds....too hot, too cold, too big, too soft, too hard....or just right.

Oh, life would be SO much easier if we could skip the too _____ (fill in the blank) and just stay just right! That would work in fantasy land, but in real life?  Not so much. How boring life would be if we were that predictable! ha.  Life is messy. However, we muddle through and we get to our next "just right".

Parenting is hard work...and it is never really over.  I've heard parenting referred to as being pecked to death...by ducks.  We get the highs....but there are a lot of lows.  Times we pray we would have made a better decision on how to handle something as a parent.  Times we pray our kid(s) would make a better choice, but they didn't.

We may grow up and move on, but there is a part of us...small as it may be...that still longs for the love, attention and even approval of our parents.  As we grow up and become parents ourselves, hopefully, we develop a greater appreciation for our parents and their assistance through some of the times we could have made better/different choices while growing up.

For better or worse does not just apply to marriage vows.  For better or worse, we learned to parent from our own parents.  We may have sworn we would do things differently, but I'm guessing there have been times when you've heard your mom or dad's words.....come out of your mouth.  Some parents are too hard.  Some are too soft.  Finding a balance of just right in parenting is harder than it sounds.

My 3 lessons from the 3 bears:

1. Goldilocks entered the bears' house uninvited. I'm finding that as our kids become teenagers that we as parents can feel uninvited....but it is worth it to stick it out and get an invitation into their lives as they learn to move on with their own lives.  Being available when they are ready to talk and have us listen...not come up with all the answers, just listen...helps them be willing to invite us into the next issue they deal with.

2. Goldilocks tried each of the bear's things....porridge, chairs and beds.  As parents, we need to assist our kids along the way as they try new things and find out if they are just right for them.  This may not be the same just right we had as a kid....or even now.  Bear family or human family what works for one might not work for another.

3. The bears return home to find missing porridge, broken chairs and Goldilocks sleeping in baby bear's bed.  They went out as a family, they came back as a family and dealt with the issues before them.  As a family, there will always be some unexpected thing we weren't counting on. We learn from it and keep moving on.

Praying that we can find a balance and reach just right as parents.  Never perfect, always learning.  Putting our kids in the arms of the ultimate parent.  Realizing we sometimes still need parents too.

Ephesians 6:1-3 ¹ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Spiritual Thermostat

Not sure about where you live, but our furnace is sure getting a work out.  Thankfully, we have a programmable thermostat that has helped reduce costs by automatically dialing back at night when we're all in blankets.

Winter always brings up numerous emotional issues around our house.  Lack of sunlight, Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.)....call it whatever you like, but it is not fun.  I've seriously considered purchasing light boxes (happy lights).

I ran across this recently after I read a blog post:  12 Ways to Help Kids Manage Anger

This is good for anybody, not just kids.  I especially noticed  #12 guarding the "emotional setting of your home" I never really thought of it that way and the phrasing really hit me.  There are days I'm not so great at my own emotional setting let alone the rest of my home.  It really is something that needs to be protected.  However, I have noticed that on the days I can stay relatively calm through the storm?  The issues do not seem as bad.

Per Webster: Thermostat: an automatic device for regulating temperature; also : a similar device for actuating fire alarms or for controlling automatic sprinklers 

The "emotional setting" made me think of a thermostat.  Oh if it were only that easy to just program/regulate "easy going, laid-back, cool" into all of us.  But we're family.  We each have our own thermostat...and it is not usually on the same setting as the other family member.  The days one of us starts heading into the red heated or fire alarm zone?  If we don't watch it, we all end up there. 

Part of the battle is catching what forms in our mind...and not letting it pour out of our mouth.  Our internal thermostats might not be automatic, but with Spiritual help we can program them to run more efficiently and keep the emotional costs to ourselves and others more reasonable.

Romans 8:5-6 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. ⁶ So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

Well Placed Stones

Ok, stick (and stones, groan) with me for a little bit.  I know my thought process on this is a little weird...and could be taken more than one way (got your attention, didn't it?)....but I'll 'splain.

I was listening to the radio and the song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns was playing.  This song has gotten me through many a rough spot and always seems to play at the right time.  There is a verse that talks about David and the giant.  David stands before the giant with his shepherd's sling and a few stones. 

The Israelites had been frightened by the Philistines and their prize fighter, Goliath.  For 40 days the giant had taunted them.  David, the young brother, comes to check on his brothers on the front lines for the Israelites.  He overhears the giant taunting their army.  He wonders why "the armies of the living God" huddle in fear every time the giant appears.  David had experience as a shepherd scaring off bears and lions and killing them if necessary.  David tells the king he will take on Goliath.  The king protests...at first, but he's really out of options.  The king tells David to take his battle gear.  David tries on the king's gear, but it's too big and he's not used to it so he leaves it behind. David approaches the front line where Goliath continues his ranting and raving about why they would send a boy to fight him.

1 Samuel 17:45-50 (NIV) ⁴⁵ David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. ⁴⁶ This day the LORD will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. ⁴⁷ All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

 ⁴⁸ As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. ⁴⁹ Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

 ⁵⁰ So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

David had grabbed 5 stones.  It only took one stone in the right place and David to remind the Israelites that the battle was the Lord's to topple the giant.  Couple of other things I notice while reading the verses above?  David talks out loud to the giant.  David runs to the front line instead of waiting for the giant to attack him first.

Sometimes I need a reminder too when in the midst of fighting the daily smaller battles that amount to feeling like a war for my attitude, attention and mood.  The battles are God's.  We have to trust that He will give us the equipment we need to fight the giant(s) we face.  The world will laugh.  Who fights a giant with a sling and a stone?  David did.  We can too.

I think when the snow melts I will find a smooth stone.  I'm going to set it somewhere where it will remind me when I see it that it only took one well placed stone to take down a giant.  I think this will keep my battles in better perspective.

Separation Anxiety

Romans 8:³⁵ (NLT) Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  

 
<sup>I am not writing this to list off all our troubles and calamities.  In the whole scheme of life and all that COULD happen, this week's issues are minor speed bumps.  Placed in the way to slow us down.  To pay more attention?  To distract us from where we need to get to? I'm not quite sure at this point.  I am writing this so that in a few weeks when we have made it through this, I will be reminded (yet again) of where my real help comes from. 

So, in no particular order: broken toe (seems like no big deal until you realize how much weight is placed on this toe and the balancing it assists with); unexpected job change; rentals, renters and ongoing financial stuff; a broken down van - tow truck and the unexpected time it took up; school/kid issues...and the list could probably go on, but these are the biggies.

I was doing pretty well (or so I thought) until said van incident made me slow down (as if the toe wasn't enough, H.E.L.L.O!) and realize my anxiety has been rising.  I have let other stuff get in the way of taking time to read the Bible and pray and praise and worship....and, and, and. I have separated myself from my main source of help in times of trouble and distress!

When those troubles come, I have a choice to make.  I can move closer to....or further from....God.   

Psalm 107:6 (NLT)</sup> “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he rescued them from their distress. (4 times in Psalm 107)

Rescue can come in all forms.  The bedspread I had in the van to take to a commercial laundry kept me warm while I waited for the tow truck.  Time to sing praise songs as I waited.  The cane my son had bought as a joke quite awhile ago has been handy for keeping balance through the snow and ice. 

Psalm 107:⁴³ (NLT) Those who are wise will take all this to heart; they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord.

God's love is faithful. I'm the one who moves further away and separation anxiety kicks in.  Sometimes those speed bumps help us get turned around to where we need to be.  Victory is ours.  Claim it. Own it. Feel the love. Kick anxiety to the curb. 

^{Romans 8:37 (NLT)} No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.