That Bites!

I have to admit I do not understand the fascination with vampires in Twilight or similar stories. I suppose when I was younger it was Dracula and bats, but still.....the whole romance thing with a vampire and living forever? I hate needles, I don't think pointy teeth would be any better. Living in the world we're in now? No thanks.

If you hang around little children for any length of time more than likely you will experience their frustration when they bite another child, him/herself or you! Take a toy they want? Chomp. Not paying attention to them? Chomp. These are not usually little love bites either. They leave marks!


I started to wonder though. How do kids learn to bite when they are frustrated? It's not like it is a modeled behavior. I highly doubt (in most households!) that the child has seen mom and dad biting each other when they get frustrated. They might have seen another child bite someone and saw the reaction it received. Behaviors that receive attention get repeated....often!

As loving parents and kid caregivers, we start teaching children that it is inappropriate to bite when frustrated. We help them learn to recognize that feeling and handle it in a better way that does not hurt them or anyone else. As adults, we don't walk around biting each other so we obviously learned somewhere along the way other ways to handle frustrations.

One way adults usually handle frustration is to use words. Sometimes this is probably not much better than biting. Words can hurt without leaving marks. Unfortunately? Once it is out of your mouth? You can't take it back. You can't make the other person forget what was said, how it was said OR keep them from replaying that over and over in their head. Even as adults, we need a reminder that we need to handle our frustrations appropriately.

Galatians 5:14-15 (NIV) For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

The Power of the Table

Ok, bit of a confession here....and for those who really know me I'm not spilling anything new. I am messy....especially with papers. For SO long with the rentals, we have had SO many papers. Add that on to dealing with depression on and off and the mess accumulates at a much faster pace than I can keep up with or sometimes even know where to start. By mere convenience of location, the table has been the landing point for most paper coming into the house. The table is flat and I know where stuff is at....well, at least what pile it may be in.

Unfortunately, the piles of paper and other stuff that doesn't belong there eventually take over most if not all of the table. This does not make it easy to eat AT the table. I know family dinners and time at the table/in the kitchen are important. Every once in awhile, I would think that I needed to get the table cleaned off. Then I would feel even more guilty for how long it has been that way....and still not take care of it.

Over the past couple of weeks, hubby and I have been working together (works MUCH better that way...but amazing how often we forget and work against each other) on getting things more organized and cleaned up. The table finally got cleaned off. Yes, there is still "stuff" to deal with....but it's not on the table. 

We ate and had a discussion that really helped both of us see where the other person was coming from. This may not seem like a big deal. It didn't really to me at first. Then I got to thinking how often or, sadly, how little we have communicated more than just in passing. We probably fixed more in half an hour than we have in weeks.

Sometimes it seems we as a society are getting so caught up in technology and keeping our kids busy that we have forgotten the importance of sitting down together and chatting face to face. Leaving the TV off and not answering the phone during table time shows that the people around us are more important than any possible distraction.

We also had communion at church today. I was reminded again of the importance of spending time with God   as well as my family. My parents did a very good job when we were little kids with having a devotion time after dinner. My grandma helped me recite Psalm 23 when I had lunch at her house. They knew the power of the table and shared it with me. 

Maybe a messy table isn't your problem. Maybe taking time to spend together with family isn't an issue. For me? I have some habits to break....and some new ones to start. 

Acts 2:42 (NLT) All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.

Pieces of Heart

I am so concerned for teens and the relationships that come into their lives. So many of them are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. School and, hopefully, we as parents give them information regarding "safe" sex and relationships. However, I think we concentrate too much on the sex and not enough on the relationship. Our kids are smarter than that. If we give them info, I truly believe they can be wise enough to use it when needed.

Parents: Talk to your kid BEFORE they are involved with someone. By the time they are "in" a relationship, it won't matter as much what you say.

Urge your teenager to make a list of qualities they would like in another person. The best time to do this is BEFORE they are involved with somebody. This makes it much easier to see if someone really meets your qualifications before you get all tingly. ;)

Talk to them about rules regarding your house. Rules are not always the same at someone else's house. Tell them no matter whose house they're at, no closed doors. Even better, not being alone together. A lot of things happen just because temptation is always there if it is just the two of you. There is a lot to be said about group dates for teens that seem to be dating younger and younger.

Let your kids talk to you....even if it is embarrassing for them and you. It is better for them to get correct information from you....then wrong information from other sources.

A little bit of prep work will help the heartache later.

TV shows sex with little or no consequences. Movies like Friends With Benefits assume that people can have sex and not include the emotional aspects or complications that come from sex in uncommitted relationships.

I had read about a demonstration with paper hearts that shows the effects of sex on relationships. So I brought some construction paper and glue to school on one of our lunch Tuesdays.

We cut or ripped out hearts from 2 colors of paper. (You need 2 colors to see the after effect)  We glued the hearts together. Ideally, we would have left them together longer, but I think my friends still got the point. I told them some of the things mentioned above and then had them pull the hearts apart.

Before                                                                             After

The point was/is that when sex is introduced into a relationship no matter what happens, a piece of that person will go with you.....always. Sometimes it can make it hard to leave a relationship you might not have stayed in if you had not gotten physical. Sometimes you make a baby you didn't plan on. That's not fair to you....or the baby.


One of the things I used to tell my youth group kids is that there is no condom big enough to protect your heart. So much for "safe" sex.


Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Kiss it!

Tonight I was reminded of the power of a kiss. Not a romantic kiss. The kind of kiss that can heal the hurt and (non-bloody!) boo-boos. I was also reminded that over time the power of the kiss can wear off.

There was a young girl on America's Funniest Videos that fell off her bike on her derriere....and with a big smile on her face asked her daddy if he wanted to kiss it. Gotta love kids when they are discovering their humor! :)

When kids are younger, it is so easy....and they are so eager....to just stop what they're doing, let us "kiss it" or "tiss it" (depending on the kid!), and make it "all better". It's enough. And playtime continues.

Fast forward a few years and kids start to realize a kiss doesn't really fix it. It's just a distraction to keep them from focusing on the hurt. (Ouchie and boo-boo no longer apply)

Fast forward a few more years and the kid is a teen and barely wants you to hug them let alone tell you what the problem is! The power of the healing kiss is gone. As a parent, I miss that.

As a mom, it's hard to come to the realization that there are things I can't fix. Things I shouldn't fix. Things my kids will have to live through the hurt, deal with it and go on. I have to trust that I have given them a strong enough foundation to fall back on when life knocks the wind out of them. I can still be there....to listen, to encourage and to help deal with the hurts.

The look of the kiss may change, but the intent is the same.

The Parable of the Lost Son
Luke 15:20 (NIV) “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

And Little Children.....

Matthew 11:25 (NIV) At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 

Ahhhhh.....summer! The days are warmer and longer. Time to catch up with family and friends. Cook-outs. Potlucks. Graduations. Summer is also the time when many churches hold VBS (Vacation Bible School). School's out.....BUT we never stop learning.....or shouldn't anyway. 

VBS....such a busy time, so much planning, so many volunteers needed.....but, oh so worth it! 

Our church splits the kids into groups with a variety of ages in each group. My kids are older so I forget how interesting it is to sit and talk/listen to 4 and 5 year olds. They get so excited. They haven't learned classroom rules much yet, so when they are asked a question even just to think about, they answer....loudly. They like to share the things they do know....even if it does not pertain to the subject....in the way we're talking about it.  (ex. Noah and the Ark....kid: My friend's dad has a boat.)

There was one little boy in our group who got extra excited and liked to share. "Did you know Noah's Ark was bigger than the Titantic?" He would almost steal the conversation. The other adults and I would smile at each other. I would quietly start edging up and put my hand on his back to get his attention and tell him he could tell me later. We only had 10-15 minutes for story time. However, as the nights continued and we would review the story, I would also feel kind of bad because I did not want to squash his excitement! He was so cute and so sincere it was impossible to get too frustrated with him. By Wednesday night, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I love you!". On Thursday night, he shared that he knew he had Jesus in his heart and would go to heaven.

Oh my. Sometimes as an adult I am not that excited or that secure in my faith. The learning continues......

Matthew 19:14 (NIV) Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”