Smile Hiders

You probably know some. You probably are one...at least sometimes. The times when someone asks how you are and you answer fine, probably even with a smile. We may then ask, "How are YOU?" and get a similar response. Maybe even with a smile. OR maybe the other person is a bit (or a lot) more comfortable actually letting you know how they are. Maybe you ask on a day that person really needs to talk. OR maybe we let it go at fine and a nod of the head and we're both on our way wondering does anybody really care anyway?

In our surface, solve everything in less than an hour (sit-com, drama, psych appointments) or 30 seconds (commercials), 140 character (Twitter) world, most people will let you go at fine and continue on with the conversation or a smile, hug, or even "I'll pray for you" and continue on with the day wondering does anybody really care anyway?

We become smile hiders. We hide behind a smile when we really feel like crying or laughing like a maniac, but we don't do that because what if people see us as weird or crazy? So you hold it in. And you smile and you wonder does anybody really care anyway?

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we take time, ('cuz we can't MAKE time), to really LISTEN and see past the smile? If you're not sure, ASK! To slow down enough to NOTICE when someone doesn't really look like they mean it? To show that somebody really DOES care? To share and know that we do NOT walk alone, for a hug, and a prayer....not later, but NOW!?!?!?!

Maybe we can practice. L.A.N.D. Listen/look. Ask. Notice. Do.

It can be uncomfortable to REALLY listen to someone else share their story.  However, in the sharing there is usually something you learn about yourself too.

Especially now.....in our surface, solve everything in less than an hour or 30 seconds, 140 character world: Become a person that can truly answer YES, SOMEBODY CARES! Stop hiding behind the smile! Become a person that can truly answer YES I KNOW SOMEONE CARES!

I've been a smile hider and I know I've met some along this journey of life. We ALL need somebody sometimes. We are not meant to be alone. We are meant to be a community. In fellowship with other humans. Sometimes it's scary to reach out and not know if somebody will see past the smile. Sometimes you just have to take the risk. I have met some of my very best friends that way.

Psalm 139:11-12 (NIV) If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

1 Peter 3:8 (NIV) Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Heavenly Daddy

Many years ago as a youth group leader, I made a comment. It wasn't even something I planned to say. It just came out. I had been hanging around teenagers enough to understand the relationship (or lack of) between parents and teens a bit better. A lot of them have pretty good relationships with their parents....up until they hit puberty or a bit after. Then the teen starts to put some distance between himself/herself and the parents. Sometimes the parents are not ready to give them the freedom they think they deserve. (Think rewards without the responsibilities!) Mostly, rightfully so, but it was difficult to get teens to see that.

One night I made the comment that the Bible talks about God being our "Heavenly Father". Sometimes, especially if you don't have the greatest relationship with your earthly dad that reference can be a barrier of someone getting to know God better.

Afterwards, one of the girls came up and said she was glad I had said that as that is how she felt. She didn't have a good relationship with her dad. I didn't know that when I said it. I'm almost positive now that I'm older that she is not the only one that had a bad relationship or no dad in the picture.

I have realized that we carry a bit of our parents around with us. Both the good and the bad. The bad can be a bit more difficult to let go. Things our parents said to us when we were younger can rumble around in our head and pop up when we're dealing with a similar situation with our own children. If we're not careful, some of that comes out even though we swore to ourselves we'd never do/say that with our kids.

As a kid, it is hard to understand that our parents don't know everything. We expect them to. We are born right in the middle of their income earning years. They may be dealing with us and their own parents. They may not have had the best relationship with their own parents. As a teen, it is hard to realize that in most cases, our parents are trying to do the best they can with what they know....or learn along the way.

Bad dads is not a new concept. There are even bad fathers IN the Bible. There was a man that messed up even before he became a father (Adam). There was a father that played favorites (Jacob with Joseph). There was a man who became a father by messing around with another man's wife and sending that man purposely into war to be killed (David). The Bible is a genealogy of fathers, of Kings, and Kings that were fathers. Some were good, not all were.

If we can bring ourselves to get past the issues with our human fathers, God gives us the opportunity to be adopted into His family with a perfect Father. For some, it may be quite a stretch to get to that point. I just submit to you to be willing to open your heart a little. I'm not promising it will be easy or perfect. I am promising it is worth getting to know a Heavenly Daddy that has been waiting for you with open arms.

Psalm 68:5 (NIV) A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 103:8-19 (NIV)
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

Isaiah 9:6 (NIV)

 For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 64:8 (NIV)
 Yet you, Lord, are our Father.
    We are the clay, you are the potter;
    we are all the work of your hand.

Matthew 7:11 (NIV) If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Romans 8:14-17 (NIV) For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Ephesians 1:17 (NIV) I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.   

Ephesians 6:4 (NIV) Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Good Intentions

Things I would like to do (in no particular order just off the top of my head): Learn to play an instrument, piano?, Organize our house, Write what's in my head without feeling like I'm going crazy, Take time for devotions, Spend more time with my nieces and nephews, Encourage people, Enjoy life, Live in the moment.

Sounds easy, right? "Like" to do, so why not just do it? We all have a to-do list, goals, dreams, intentions. Call it whatever you like.

The dictionary definition of an intention is: the thing that you plan to do or achieve : an aim or purpose 

Basically, an intention is something we mean to do. It may or may not happen, but we plan on doing it.

We can make lots of plans, but until we actually take some steps to DO something it remains an intention. As a recovering procrastinating perfectionist, intentions could be my downfall. I will hesitate to try something or put it off because I may not do it well or to the standards I have in my head.

For example: I can want to play the piano, but if I never learn to read music or take a lesson my days of tickling the ivories probably will not happen. I could start to doubt and question myself before I even start so I don't start.

Apparently, the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions; it's walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too. - Aldous Huxley

While looking up some info to write this, the word intentional also came up. Since one of the intentions I have is to take time for devotions, I have some work to do! I will have to be more intentional about my intentions!

Philippians 3:12 (NIV) Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Colossians 2:2 (NIV) My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ,

Life and death in music

We have gotten used to synthesized and auto tuned music. I even "heard" back up singers that were not there because of a plugged in device that multiplied/harmonized a (singular) singer's voice. I only knew this because I was at a concert and it was explained and demonstrated. Wow! It was awesome, but really hit home the point that what we hear may not always match up with what we see if we are watching music being played.

I have had a thought when I SEE music being played, especially recently. There is something different about watching music being played: a band (marching or otherwise), a symphony, a concert, etc. and just hearing it played as a movie backdrop or on the radio.

The thing I notice though is that while watching music being played, I NOTICE more if an instrument is missing during a certain section OR I NOTICE an instrument being played. I may not know the name of it, but I see it being played and can pick out the sound or lack of.

Music. The tempo of our lives. People. The instruments that play along with us in our own personal symphonies.

One of our family's favorite movies has become Mr Holland's Opus for numerous reasons. It is about a teacher by default as music isn't paying the bills. Along the way, Mr. Holland finds out he loves teaching more than he ever thought he would. The music is used to show the passage of time and is almost a character of the movie. The movie has mentions of John Lennon (Husband is a fan of all things Beatles!). There are really good references to history. Throughout the movie, Mr. Holland is always working on a piece of music that could make him rich, famous or possibly both. In the end, he wasn't rich or famous outside of his little town. His family, friends and students were his Opus and they were the music of his life.

In the plot of the movie, I see how this finally tied all together for me. The instruments of our own life symphony are those closest to us. We (most of the time) play well together and make beautiful music. Sometimes more often than we'd like, we hit sour notes....but continue on. Sometimes we lose a member of the band we've formed. Sometimes it is temporary. Sometimes it is permanent. And the beat goes on. But differently.
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It has been 2 weeks since husband's dad passed away. Our beat is out of sync. We're learning to live without one of our musicians. More difficult than thought prior. :(
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1 Chronicles 15:16 (NIV) David told the leaders of the Levites to appoint their fellow Levites as musicians to make a joyful sound with musical instruments: lyres, harps and cymbals.

2 Chronicles 5:13 (NIV) The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang: “He is good; his love endures forever.” Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud,

Psalm 57:7 (NIV) My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

Psalm 98:4 (NIV)  Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music;

Psalm 108:1 (NIV) My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul.

Tears

Hubby and I are journeying on a new road as of Sunday. We have been married 26+ years. We have experienced highs and lows. Sometimes in the opposite order. Sometimes for extended periods of time. We have experienced the joys of our children, the miscarriage of a child, the death of grandparents and pets that have felt like family members, but not until Sunday have we experienced the death of one of our parents.

We are so grateful that at the ages we are that we have been blessed to have all of our parents for as long as we have. We know many children that have not been able to have parents in their lives as long. We know parents that miss their children and that ALWAYS seems way too early.

Sometimes death creeps up unexpectedly or comes crashing into our lives quickly.We were blessed to have some warning so that we had time to take for some special memories to be created and later remembered. We had a chance to say I love you, goodbye and we'll see you again someday. We know too often that we always think there will be a next day and then one day, there isn't.

I'm sure, eventually, we will find a new normal. BUT right now, there are tears. Happy and sad.

There will be tears that will be accompanied by laughter because we will remember one of the many times we shared laughter or near the end, an eye roll when words just couldn't (or shouldn't) be said at that time.

There will be tears that will tear our heart apart.

There will be tears when we pick up the phone to call and we realize we can still talk just in a different way.

There will be tears that fall down our face like gentle rain and tears that will gush like a waterfall just because.

There will be tears of sadness as a memory crosses our mind and we realize there will be no more new memories. They will become tears of gladness as we realize we are grateful for the memories we have.

There will be tears as we realize that there will be others that will pass and we don't know when or how and we don't know how we will even begin to handle all of that. There will be tears as we realize it is a blessing to not need to know the future it is enough to know WHO holds our futures.

There will be a day when the tears don't come as often. We'll be able to mention and talk about our loved one with less tears and we will smile at the memories and thoughts that they bring to mind.

Life will never be the same, but our lives are changed because of the time we had together and eventually we will smile through the tears.

John 11:35 (NIV) Jesus wept.

Psalm 126:5-6 (NLT) Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Revelation 21:4 (NIV) ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”