Thursday, August 28, 2008

Bound up

Ok, let me warn you ahead of time that part of this will be gross and very personal. In fact, I have been arguing within myself since at least yesterday to even write anything about this. AND my husband has the right to laugh at me because I got mad at him for sharing some of this info earlier.

I am normally a VERY personal person. I hold things in (literally, no pun intended)....until when something pushes me over the edge....every emotion pours out. Stay with me....I have a point(s). Not sure on the verse yet, but I'll find one before I'm done. Peaked your interest now, didn't I?

First, a piece of medical advice, which will lead to the (in my humble...or not so humble opinion) the gross part. If you have surgery and are put on pain medications, there are side effects. Duh! However, who reads the small print they put in those litle papers? The print needs a magnifying glass and they have to list EVERY test, etc. that's been done on it. BORING and time consuming. I figure if the side effect is bad enough they'll tell me. Yeah.

Well, apparently, one of the side effects of pain meds is constipation (hence, the title Bound up....for those of you with foresight, you can see where I'm heading with this, can't you?). SO, I have my surgery July 31. Days pass, I feel yucky, I sleep a lot, and all of a sudden, it's a few weeks into August. I think nothing of the fact that I've been getting grumpier OR the fact that I have now not gone #2 (in kid's terms) for I don't even know how long. This is not terribly unusual for me, but in this case, I finally noticed!

As personal as I am, I finally ask my sister the nurse who gave me the above info and should be taking additional "products" to take care of that issue. You can also be sure I mentioned it at my first dr's appointment after surgery! SO, the "issue" finally resolves, I feel further details necessary. I now know the reason for the "cleansing products" that commercials claim to make you feel so much better. OK, for those of you who have kept up with me, this ends the gross part! :)

I started joking with friends about a term I've heard before "emotionally constipated". I've always laughed, but I can see how this is true. When we hold in emotions that we should be letting out, we're mentally bound up. I've been doing that to myself for a long time. Time to work on letting some of that out as well.

OK, so I'm looking up some verses for bound. There are many references to how Christ was bound up to be led away to the cross. Not quite what I'm going for here, but worth thinking about.

The one I think I like the best is this:

Hebrews 6:16-18 (New Living Translation)
16 Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. 17 God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. 18 So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us.

And this:
Ezekiel 34:3-5 (New Living Translation)
3 You drink the milk, wear the wool, and butcher the best animals, but you let your flocks starve. 4 You have not taken care of the weak. You have not tended the sick or bound up the injured. You have not gone looking for those who have wandered away and are lost. Instead, you have ruled them with harshness and cruelty. 5 So my sheep have been scattered without a shepherd, and they are easy prey for any wild animal.

OK, it's a leap, but how true are those? I personally now like to think of bound as a promise. In Hebrews, God gave us a promise, we can have hope. In Ezekiel, we are told to take care of those who are lost. Have you been "bound up" in sharing your faith with someone else?

When I first typed in bound in the search on, most of the words that came up were "boundary". This is making me think that the lack of boundries can lead to being bound up. (Believe me here I am preaching to myself!)

I need to get to sleep. I don't even know if this will help anybody. But it feels good to get it out (no pun intended). Work on boundaries, mental and physical. Either way, you'll feel better! :)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Night/Early AM thoughts

I admit I like nighttime for the fact that it is quiet (most of the time) and it feels like it's MY time....I don't feel like I need to be depended on or needed.....for real or just in my own head to FEEL important. BUT nighttime is also the time that I try to get quiet....and sometimes that's scary because that's when I can feel those little (and sometimes not so little) God nudges.

I have felt REALLY emotional lately. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the pills I'm on for pain. The fact that I sleep during the day and stay up at night, but the world runs on day time so I feel at least 3 steps behind always isn't helping either.

Overall, I cannot complain. My surgery went well. It's been over 2 weeks already. I have another appointment with an x-ray and the dr. on the 29th. So far, I'm not able to drive because of the soft collar I need to wear to keep my neck stabilized. It's like when the power went out. I forget how grateful I need to be when I can just gather the kids, get in the car and go. And not worry about lifting too much weight or scheduling rides. I have taken a lot for granted and I think that's why I'm feeling emotional too.

When I've done a better job at reading devotionals or the Bible, I continue to be amazed when I read JUST what I need for the time I need it. God is good at providing when we take the time to show up!

So, a few minutes ago, I looked at Bible Gateway and the verse pretty much covered what I'm feeling like:

It's Psalm 42. The one that starts out with "as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants after you." (OK, not the Bible quote, but you get the point)

Verse 8 (NIV) 8 By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life.

Pretty much covered the night and day thing. I've also been feeling really down about the whole world situation. Sure, there are individual groups trying to make a world difference, but as a whole world, we need some serious work!

Then I kept reading:

9 I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" 10 My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" 11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Isn't it awesome that God knows we will not always be happy campers? So, I will keep putting my hope where it belongs. I will answer that God is alive and well and continues to watch over us. Our enemies WILL BE defeated. There will be a day when we will all know that we are not forgotten and we do not need to mourn.