Sunday, July 21, 2013

A Prayer

I tend to let my thoughts wander when I pray....which can be a good thing if being led by God to pray for people that need it. However, sometimes I feel kind of defeated when I feel like I don't stay on track (squirrel!)  ;)  I do better writing/typing. It helps to organize my thoughts....and hopefully, makes me more open to where God leads.

Dear God:
I get so overwhelmed and frustrated just reading one Facebook page of prayer requests. I don't understand how You can handle ALL of this from ALL of us. However, I do know that I don't have to understand to know that you hear our prayers.

Thank you that you are available 24/7....when insomnia (or stubbornness) keeps me up late let me use my time more wisely. Thank you that you promise to take the cares of this world on Yourself so that we can move through another day. Thank you that you hear the cries of my heart and can make sense of them....even when I can't. Please help me to make You my first line of defense in spiritual warfare and when darkness threatens to block out the light.

Thank you for the beauty of summer. Thank you for the beauty of the people around me....that don't or can't see it in themselves. Thank you that You have made each of us to be a specific piece in the puzzle of life. Thank you for the feeling of peace when there is little to no reason to feel peaceful.

In Jesus name, I pray for people that are sick, hurting (physically and/or mentally), exhausted, overwhelmed, are grief stricken, lonely, questioning or don't even know You enough to trust You. I pray that our eyes will be opened to the small gifts you bring into our day if we're willing to see it as more than circumstance. I pray that our perceptions do not need to become our reality. I pray that emotional ties and generational curses will be broken where necessary.

Thank you that even when we have doubts about You, You can get past the logic in our minds and get to the tender places of our hearts and souls. You made us to be in a relationship with You. The world is getting so tied up in religion we often look past that fact.

Please forgive me for the times that I have used my words or actions to hurt instead of help. Please forgive me for wasting precious time on things that don't really matter. We don't know what tomorrow holds....or even the next few minutes.

Help me to realize that if the answer is no that doesn't mean you did not hear me, but that You might have other plans that in the long run will work out better than I can imagine.

So I'm back to not understanding, but trying to get more comfortable with the idea that I don't always have to.

And all God's people said.....Amen

Psalm 147:3-5 (NIV) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.

A Prayer for the Ephesians
Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Sunday, July 07, 2013

Wandering.....Wondering.....and wondering as I wander

I guess I have been doing Facebook updates instead of writing long, wandering posts. When I'm really honest with myself, I know it is because Facebook is a procrastinator's dream come true....and worst nightmare. The internet in general is a place where time can be wasted so easily...clicking from one link to another and realizing I don't even remember where I really started from....or sometimes even why!

On a good day, I "reward" myself with computer time for accomplishing some tasks. On a bad day (that day I don't even feel like getting out of bed), I just start clicking away....aimlessly.....wandering about the internet...keeping myself busy, but not productive. I've noticed that the days I wander are the days I feel I have wandered the farthest from a God that wants to love me better even than I try to love myself.

Wandering, maybe like Hansel and Gretal. I've left a trail of crumbs. My Bible reading time, my prayer time, my "be quiet so God can reach me" time. Crumbs of time instead of an actual good indication of where I've been and where I need to go.

Some of why I wander (I think) is because over the past year, I have had doubts raised to me by others in my life. Not enough doubt to actually make me question my journey, but enough doubt that I wonder more than I used to. I look for ways to explain how I feel about believing in God while attempting to listen why somebody else does not. I think about the relationship that I wander away is not God that moved. I wonder why I let it take so long to be honest with myself about my feelings and questions because I don't have all the answers to ease others doubts.

I wander in a world that seems to be more concerned about pleasing everybody....and I struggle with not judging because I'm trying to understand other people's struggles and situations....that cause them to wonder and wander and sometimes feel unloved by people that claim they serve a loving God. AND why do bad things happen to good people?!?!?! I don't have answers. I know where to get them. When I finally stop wandering, I get answers when I need them.....the answers just don't always look or sound like I think they should!

As I type, I realize that the answers I'm sometimes given are not for me to decipher. I just need to say them (or write them) and let God do the work of growing the seed He gave me to plant.

The wandering and wondering continue..........

Matthew 18:11-13 (NLT) Parable of the Lost Sheep
12 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away!

1 Chronicles 16:11-12 (NLT) 
11 Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.
12 Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given,