Cutting....yesterday, today and tomorrow

My heart hurts. Sometimes the more you know, the more you don't want to know. I have heard more and more lately about "cutting". I don't know a lot about it. I have more to find out. However, what I do know makes me sad....and mad....and.....I'm at a loss for words to describe it.

The little that I do understand of the "why" is because when someone cuts, the emotional pain is replaced by physical pain....and for awhile....the emotional pain goes away....or is felt less.

Maybe this was going on when I was in school, but if it did, I don't remember anyone really talking about it. Maybe we just had different ways of dealing with it. I know we had our share of emotional pain too. It doesn't matter if it was more or less or different. Sometimes I wonder if all the technology and news has made cutting more in our minds, which then leads to more cutting and round and round we go.....

It seems that cutting is a distraction. Maybe finding other distractions or different ways to cope is the answer or at least part of it. Is there an answer?

I guess the main point of this is if you are a parent, please be aware of the issue and talk to your kids. If there are long sleeves always, please find a way to look. Know that arms are not the only place where cutting happens. Maybe start by asking if they know anyone else that cuts or if it has been brought up at school. You might worry that asking will put the idea in their head. More than likely cutting....or something similar is already there....you're just letting them know it's OK to talk about.

If you have cut or are actively cutting, PLEASE find someone to talk to. It doesn't even have to be a "professional". Find somebody you can trust. Be open. You might help them deal with some of their own stuff too.

We can all benefit from being more transparent. We all have stuff we deal with. We all have different ways of dealing with it. Sometimes we hurt others. Sometimes we hurt ourselves. Sometimes we deal with it by NOT dealing with it. Hurting....hurts!

Cutting leaves external scars. Constant reminders of the pain we've dealt with. IF we can find another way to deal with pain, maybe we can move through it and past it and leave it in yesterday. Choose today to deal with it. Know that your tomorrows can be better.

The Beauty or the Beast (a fable)

The Beauty or the Beast (a fable)

Once upon a time in a far off land, there was a story that floated around a kingdom. A story of a magical item that would show the owner his or her best friend and his or her worst enemy.

Many people searched far and wide over the kingdom for this magical item. It should be worth a great price when it was found. 

One day, a young girl was cleaning up in her grandma’s castle attic. This girl was truly beautiful inside and out. However, she never realized it about herself. There were kids at the local school that were cruel not just to her, but to many others as well. She always wished that someone would stand up to them. She wished it could be her. Unfortunately, she knew that fairy godmothers weren’t real and wishes don’t always come true.

While she was cleaning, she almost knocked a very dusty box off a shelf. As she went to catch it, she noticed some very nicely lettered words:

“The contents of this box will show the owner his or her best friend and his or her worst enemy.  Open at your own risk.”

THIS box must contain the item from the long told story. The girl’s curiosity got the best of her. She eagerly and carefully lowered the box to the floor and proceeded to open it.

Inside she found…… a mirror. “That’s it?” she angrily exclaimed, “There are mirrors all over the kingdom. Why is this one any different?”

She lifted the mirror and as she truly saw herself a small piece of paper floated to the floor. It said:

While an ordinary mirror this may appear,

Let it show you very clear.

The person you know you are and others see

Or believe what the beast tries to tell you to be.

YOU can be your best friend….or your worst enemy.

Moral of the story: We can be so hard on ourselves and so caught up in what others opinions are of us that we fail to see how truly wonderful we are.  The “beast” in your life may be at your school, in your house….or worst of all in your own head. Let your beauty shine. It is SO much more than what appears in a mirror.

Isaiah 61:3 (NIV) to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

Pieces of Heart

I am so concerned for teens and the relationships that come into their lives. So many of them are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. School and, hopefully, we as parents give them information regarding "safe" sex and relationships. However, I think we concentrate too much on the sex and not enough on the relationship. Our kids are smarter than that. If we give them info, I truly believe they can be wise enough to use it when needed.

Parents: Talk to your kid BEFORE they are involved with someone. By the time they are "in" a relationship, it won't matter as much what you say.

Urge your teenager to make a list of qualities they would like in another person. The best time to do this is BEFORE they are involved with somebody. This makes it much easier to see if someone really meets your qualifications before you get all tingly. ;)

Talk to them about rules regarding your house. Rules are not always the same at someone else's house. Tell them no matter whose house they're at, no closed doors. Even better, not being alone together. A lot of things happen just because temptation is always there if it is just the two of you. There is a lot to be said about group dates for teens that seem to be dating younger and younger.

Let your kids talk to you....even if it is embarrassing for them and you. It is better for them to get correct information from you....then wrong information from other sources.

A little bit of prep work will help the heartache later.

TV shows sex with little or no consequences. Movies like Friends With Benefits assume that people can have sex and not include the emotional aspects or complications that come from sex in uncommitted relationships.

I had read about a demonstration with paper hearts that shows the effects of sex on relationships. So I brought some construction paper and glue to school on one of our lunch Tuesdays.

We cut or ripped out hearts from 2 colors of paper. (You need 2 colors to see the after effect)  We glued the hearts together. Ideally, we would have left them together longer, but I think my friends still got the point. I told them some of the things mentioned above and then had them pull the hearts apart.

Before                                                                             After

The point was/is that when sex is introduced into a relationship no matter what happens, a piece of that person will go with you.....always. Sometimes it can make it hard to leave a relationship you might not have stayed in if you had not gotten physical. Sometimes you make a baby you didn't plan on. That's not fair to you....or the baby.


One of the things I used to tell my youth group kids is that there is no condom big enough to protect your heart. So much for "safe" sex.


Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Teenage Butterfly

Teenage Butterfly

Wrapped in a cocoon of childhood

Life is about to change

Parts begin to rearrange

Life is weird – all so strange

All this changing seems so slow

One wing breaks free

And then there’s two

Need to stay, but want to go

Beauty unfolds

And takes flight

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV) Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

(The Message) And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity.

There's a song that says breaking up is hard to do.....growing up is hard too. I am coming to grips with the fact that I as a parent have to change along with my kids as they grow up. I thought I was done "growing up". However, the more I think about it....I'm not sure any of us is ever done. Different stages maybe, but each one involves growth and growing. I think that's why I started thinking about butterflies....and teenagers. Males and  females go through SO many changes those teen years. It really is a metamorphosis. 

As parents, we are blessed to be able to accompany our kids on this journey. As our kids strive for their independence there will be friction. There will be days you will wish they would stay in their cocoon - safe in your house where you feel you can protect them. There will be days you will watch them struggle to break free. There will be days when you will see those wings...knowing what is to come. There will be a day when you will see them soar.....there may be tears, but you will smile.  

Rebel Without a.....Clue

Hubby and I picked up a VHS copy of Rebel Without A Cause recently. VHS because he was worried DVD would be wide-screen, which he is not particularly fond of. I just happened to read off the title because we were looking around in a store. Of course, he wanted to see it because there's a Mercury in it. We started watching it earlier this evening. I have seen bits and pieces of the movie over the years, but I don't recall ever seeing the whole movie. We didn't make it through the whole thing yet, but the parts I have watched have given me much to think about.

Mainly, how does a movie from over 50 years ago (1955) capture many of the same things I dealt with (sometimes still do!) in the 80's and teens still deal with in 2011? The feelings of trying to make friends and fit in, getting their minds to catch up with their bodies, parents, bullies, etc. There was one comment by James Dean's character about fitting in and making friends and I said I thought only girls felt that way. Hubby said oh no, guys go through that too...and there's usually a fight involved in it somewhere along the way.

I would think as each generation moves from teen to adult that we would have eased some of these by now. Maybe as adults we're just so glad to have made it through the teen years that we forget what it's like by the time our kids become teens. We were told to pretty much suck it up and trudge on through and maybe we expect the same from our kids. It seems like it ends up being "us" against "them". Aren't we on the same side? If not, shouldn't we be?

I do not know how the title was intended. I would like to find out more about that sometime. However, I looked up rebel just to see what the dictionary stated:

1:opposing or taking arms against a government or ruler 2:disobedient, rebellious

Society kind of puts parents opposing teens or teens opposing adults and that, generally, teens are disobedient and rebellious.

In the movie, it seems outside influences and internal conflicts are making the main characters "rebels".

I look forward to watching the rest of the movie to see how it plays out. In the meantime, I would urge parents and teens to watch this movie together. Stop it as necessary or discuss afterward. Yes, some of the acting is a little over dramatic, the students dress up (gasp) for school and the hairstyles and clothes are dated. However, the themes throughout the movie show that we're all kind of moving through life finding our own causes when sometimes they are right in front of us...or even living in our own house.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV) Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

I've read others now figured I'd try Blogging...

I have enjoyed reading blogs of other people and I like to write so I figure I will try blogging and see how it goes. I'm hoping it doesn't become like ONE more thing I feel I HAVE to do. I don't really need anything else like that in life right now! Already I notice that typing goes much faster than hand-writing in my journal book. However, I'm sure I will not be quite as forth-coming with info here as who knows who reads it?

Which is part of the reason I have not blogged to date. A little too much watching of the evening news, me thinks!

So a little about me (and my header line):
Recovering perfectionist....used to think it was possible to seek perfection, admirable even. Gave me a good reason/excuse? to procrastinate..still does on occasion, hence the recovering part. Now, I've realized the closest I will ever get to perfection is moving closer to God...who knows ALL about me and loves me unconditionally anyway.

ADHD...dealing with school for kids, our family life, etc. I have learned a lot and continue to seek patience in looking at a different, often very creative, view of the world.

Strong-willed (not me)....hubby, kids, sometimes it feels like it's me against them. However, I admire their strength...no one walks on them or rains on their parade!

Teenager...yup, got one at home (makes him sound like a pet!). So far, not so bad. Trying to deal with the whole being more of a coach than parent at this stage.

Only by the grace of God...no way I could do this on my own!

So, enough about me for now....how about leave a comment with your blog and some info on you?