I Didn't Know

I recently attended a writers conference. I have wanted to go in previous years, but always found a reason (ie: excuse) why "now" wasn't a good time. I figured if I'm going to do it, do it well. I signed up for the extra night and a pre-conference session. The extra night was to make sure I was there on time and in the right frame of mind to focus on one thing. Life has not been about only one thing at a time, or seemingly about me, for quite awhile. 

My anxiety struck up as I got ready to leave that day. I'm almost ready to give her a name as she seems like a nit-picky, perfectionistic version of me I'm trying to get away from. "Why are you going to this BY YOURSELF? YOU don't like to go places where you don't know at LEAST one other person! Do you know how much other life stuff you have going on right now? WHY?" 

Why indeed. I slammed the door a bit harder than intended. Set my map app. Turned the radio louder to drown her out and drove away.

I was not alone for long. I found out that weekend was where I was supposed to be for that weekend. I don't think of myself as a writer. I think of myself as a person who likes to write now that I don't "have to". Our name tags listed our name as well as what we had entered on our registration. Mine said "devotionals/blogger". I made the mistake a few times of saying I "just" have a blog. I was reminded and encouraged that nothing is "just". Point taken. Learn to own it. "I am a writer" Take that, anxiety!

I sat with different people over the few days. Some had come alone. Some had come with friends. Many it was first-time attendance. Some had attended numerous years. I sat with an older couple. The wife referred to her husband as her boyfriend. So cute!. They shared they had recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary with their family. I didn't tell him that he reminded me of my dad. That would have made me cry. I sat with men and women younger and older than me. I listened as they shared why they were attending and some of their stories they were willing to share. I was able to encourage some. Many encouraged me a lot. 

I didn't realize until a few meals in that some of the people sitting at our tables were "in the industry" of writing: editors, publishers, authors, agents, presenters of the sessions. I was a bit intimidated when I made that little discovery. Why was I surprised though? They have to eat too! Anxiety snuck up again as I tried to replay conversations in my mind where I might have said something I shouldn't have to someone I shouldn't have. 

I learned a lot. The weekend ended. I came home. The feeling to write has nagged me. I made an online Facebook support group because I don't have time right now to meet in person. I "friended" some of the attendees. They "friended" me. Writing is really kind of lonely overall. Sharing what is in my head and heart is kind of overwhelming overall. 

How many times have I let what or who I didn't know get in my way? Is what we have written on our name tag as a job or how we would describe ourselves really what matters? It was a Christian writers conference. Would/Do people know that about me without seeing it on a name tag? 

I write this to remind me...and you....don't let what you don't know stop you. I was reminded of the verse: 

Hebrews 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

and then I found verse 6: 

So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

To those who shared hospitality with me: thank you for being an angel when I needed one. My new name tag: mere mortal/writer

Journaling the journey

It is something I really wish I would have started earlier. Thankfully, I have a mom that saved things for me. Every once in awhile, I get a bag of goodies. I had a bag of paperwork from 3rd grade....when one of our kids was in 3rd grade so it was fun to compare. I have found some things that I wrote down, but it wasn't "officially" a diary or journal. Some of my "Young Author" books. Definitely not award winners by any means (for writing OR illustrating) BUT it gives me a good look at what life was like at least at that point in time.

Recently, my husband asked me how old one (hahahaha, if you know our family, you know why I laugh) of our cats is. I trekked back through some of my journal books and could give him a pretty good guess. I also discovered how many kittens did NOT stay at our house. Hard to tell though if you visit.

I started to look at one of the books I did with the kids. Our son was 5 the first time we wrote in it. He had told me a story from the bus about Chuck E Cheese. I wrote it down. There is a ticket stub from the White Caps....from 1998. There is a picture and corresponding story of the day our daughter snuck out at my sister's house, went through the sprinkler and came back around and knocked on the garage door. She looked slightly drippy and guilty when we opened the door. Our son is now 21. Our daughter is 17. Time flies!

Oh, the smiles, tears and memories that are held in those journals. I never really intended them to become what they have. A record of our family. Of our journey. Of the joys and pains as we have moved through life together.

The little things that our kids did that I swore I would never forget. I am reminded of them as I read back through the pages. Sometimes there are gaps of time not covered or covered in 2 different journals because I would grab whatever one I could find. Some of the things are truly little things that would not or will not mean anything to anyone else other than me. Some of them are prayers. Some written in desperation as I did not know any other way to get out the pain that was in my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to go back and read through as I realize things I wish would have changed years ago....are still the same.

Lately, things seem to go more on Facebook or blogs. However, there is something beautiful in seeing something in writing in pen or pencil.

I write this to encourage you to find a book to write in, even if it is "just" a notebook. Find a place to keep it handy. Even if you don't like to write. Maybe doodle! Let your kids doodle or tell you a story and you write it down. Jot down those things that you think you will never forget because you will forget.....even if it is something you or your kid did often! Write the date on the page somewhere.

Our journey will end someday. New journeys are beginning everyday. It is in looking back that we realize the destination is not the goal. Focus on the journey. Just don't get so busy journaling about it that you forget to live it! Journal and journey on, my friends!

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Exodus 33:14 (MSG) God said, “My presence will go with you. I’ll see the journey to the end.”