Thursday, August 21, 2008

Night/Early AM thoughts

I admit I like nighttime for the fact that it is quiet (most of the time) and it feels like it's MY time....I don't feel like I need to be depended on or needed.....for real or just in my own head to FEEL important. BUT nighttime is also the time that I try to get quiet....and sometimes that's scary because that's when I can feel those little (and sometimes not so little) God nudges.

I have felt REALLY emotional lately. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the pills I'm on for pain. The fact that I sleep during the day and stay up at night, but the world runs on day time so I feel at least 3 steps behind always isn't helping either.

Overall, I cannot complain. My surgery went well. It's been over 2 weeks already. I have another appointment with an x-ray and the dr. on the 29th. So far, I'm not able to drive because of the soft collar I need to wear to keep my neck stabilized. It's like when the power went out. I forget how grateful I need to be when I can just gather the kids, get in the car and go. And not worry about lifting too much weight or scheduling rides. I have taken a lot for granted and I think that's why I'm feeling emotional too.

When I've done a better job at reading devotionals or the Bible, I continue to be amazed when I read JUST what I need for the time I need it. God is good at providing when we take the time to show up!

So, a few minutes ago, I looked at Bible Gateway and the verse pretty much covered what I'm feeling like:

It's Psalm 42. The one that starts out with "as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants after you." (OK, not the Bible quote, but you get the point)

Verse 8 (NIV) 8 By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life.

Pretty much covered the night and day thing. I've also been feeling really down about the whole world situation. Sure, there are individual groups trying to make a world difference, but as a whole world, we need some serious work!

Then I kept reading:

9 I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" 10 My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" 11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Isn't it awesome that God knows we will not always be happy campers? So, I will keep putting my hope where it belongs. I will answer that God is alive and well and continues to watch over us. Our enemies WILL BE defeated. There will be a day when we will all know that we are not forgotten and we do not need to mourn.


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