Now that I know more about anxiety and depression, I have little doubt that I have dealt with both for most of my life. Well, at least from 7th grade on for sure that I remember. Over the years, I have found help with counseling and medication. Over the years, I have struggled because, as a Christian, I SHOULD be able to beat this with God's help, right? Ahhhh, the infamous SHOULD. grrrrr.
I believe depression is probably different for each person. For me, on the really bad days...when I feel like I don't even want to get out of bed....or even after sleeping LOTS, I do not feel rested. I would probably describe the feeling as being in a pit. It's dark, dank, DEPRESSING! The worst thing is that it FEELS like there is no way out without digging deeper. It doesn't feel like falling. Just stuck. In emotional muck and mire. At the bottom. Trapped with thoughts of everything I've ever done wrong. trapped on the hamster wheel of perfectionism or wasted time or, or, or.
There have been references to pits in the Bible. Some physical (Joseph: Genesis 37 ). Some mental: Lamentations 3:55-57 I called on your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.” You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.”
A couple of things I do know...and on a good day, remember: The pit has a bottom so I don't continue to dig deeper. There is a firm rock foundation. I am not in the pit alone. I have family and friends that support me and help me feel better about myself and my circumstances.
In the meantime, I will be grateful for the pit-less days. I will be thankful for hope on the rock of God where I can stand and gaze over, but not fall in.
Psalm40:2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
Lamentations 3:19-26 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.