My early AM pondering is leading me, as usual, to thoughts of belief....and unbelief. I was raised going to church (2x most Sundays). My dad (God bless him!) read a devotion for us at dinner.....where we all sat down and ate together. In later years, grandma V.V. was there too. The T.V. was off. We talked to each other. Do I remember about what? Not necessarily. Do I know I miss those days? YES!
I have felt guilty that I let myself get too busy, too distressed and too depressed to carry on our family tradition. I did much better when our kids were little. It was "easier" then. It seems that with all the time-saving devices and technologies we would have MORE time. Sure doesn't feel that way though. More time wasters maybe.
I don't remember ever really questioning my faith. I guess I always just accepted it as true. I remember that I didn't think/know/realize about the personal relationship part of faith until much later. I know that even though I now understand the relationship better I still don't spend time doing things I think I SHOULD do, but find plenty of things I WANT to do! One of our pastors used to say his wife got frustrated that they did not sit as close to each other in the front seat as they used to when they dated, etc. He was driving. So he said, "Who moved?"
I see this in my relationship with God also. He's driving. He's in the same seat. IF I'm not as close as I want to be? I'm the one who moved....and needs to slide back across that seat.
I used to be surrounded by friends and family that did not question their faith either. This makes it MUCH easier to know what I believed. Lately, I have been around many more people that would consider themselves atheists or agnostic. I've been to classes and heard talks about "evangelizing". When you are around people of your own faith and beliefs, you can get out of the realization that everyone may not believe as you do. I think this is what is happening to me.
Someone very close to me is one of those people. A couple of the things he asks me is what if you had not been raised "that" way? What if no one had told you about God? I try not to think about it, but my mind keeps getting drawn back to those questions.
I would LOVE to think that if that were true, I would look around at the nature around me....at my own body...that has held and produced a little bundle of joy.....at his body and how he was grown from my baby to full grown son. The fact that my heart beats, my lungs breathe and my eyelids open and shut without me ever thinking of how those things happen. I would like to think of the people that I have been blessed to know. I would like to think that I would KNOW that a piece was missing in this puzzle of life. I would like to think that someone would give me reading material, a Bible so I could form my own opinion.
Thankfully, since I had a foundation to build on, I have found that easier. Many have not been given that opportunity. I have great respect for adults that come to faith. By the time we are adults, we have formed opinions on information. We have logical minds that try to override a loving, not so logical heart and soul. We have to ponder if we even have a soul and where does it go?
I have to admit I don't have ALL the answers and I'm grateful that I do not have to. In the meantime, I will continue to pass on the insights I've been given, plant the seed if you will. I will leave it up to others along the paths of life to help take care of it....to take care of you. I will pray that you will find a way to KNOW that works for you. I will pray that if you are feeling the need to move back or find that missing piece that you actively search for answers that will bring you peace....and understanding....that you can know.
Colossians 4 (NIV) Further Instructions
2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3 And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4 Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5 Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.