Friday, January 27, 2012

Do It....Yourself.....

I seem to be on a roll with "do it" ( Just Do It and Don't Do It ), so I will finish up with this. I have been thinking about this for awhile....and debating on the best way to write it. So I will make a humble attempt.

At first glance, telling someone to "do it yourself" can seem rude. Of course, there are circumstances when someone can't do it themselves. That's not the kind of do it yourself I'm talking about.

Love and Logic * has a parenting style referred to as a "helicopter". This parent hovers around waiting for their child to need something and rescues them when necessary. I hate to admit it, but I am usually a helicopter. As our kids get older, this is less and less "helpful" to them...and it has not been all that helpful for me either. There are times when I have made our kids feel like they can't do it on their own. There are times when I do something I know they should be doing themselves because, at the time, it seems easier. This will not help them as they venture daily out into the "real world". It has taken me TOO long to realize this.

One of the goals is to let them learn to have little failures when the price is still small. Our society in general, especially lately it seems, is to have as much as possible to be win/win. Unfortunately, in real life not everybody does win every time. If we constantly shield our kids from having to deal with the tough stuff, the world will beat them up when they're on their own with no buffer....or helicopter waiting to swoop in and fix it. The more I think about it the better it is to let them do it themselves while they are still in the boundaries of our homes.

One of my goals is to stop hovering and to step back and let our kids learn that they CAN do it themselves. If there is something they need to learn to be able to do it on their own, it is my responsibility to help them learn it so they are ready to do it themselves.

However, sometimes I wait around waiting for someone else to take care of something that I COULD easily do myself. Then I usually get a small (or not so small!) nudge to remind me I should do it myself and quit waiting!

There is a silver lining to this cloud of change for me. Even when I do it myself, I am not alone. God provides insight, information, other people and parents that cross my path to let me know that doing it yourself does not necessarily mean by yourself.

2 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

*The Love and Logic website has a lot of good information and some free resources for parents and teachers. Love and Logic uses consequences of decisions as part of parenting. It is definitely worth checking out.

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