The Story of Ellie Egg....and Friends

Pretty eggs ready to visit lunch

Ellie Egg (purple egg in left top corner) brought her friends to lunch on Tuesday. She had heard there were some issues at school with her people friends. She sacrificed herself and her friends to prove a point. THIS is their story.

At lunch, Ellie Egg's best side showed her beautiful smile and curly hair. All looked right with the world. However, what her friends didn't know was that she had a really bad morning. She got up later than she should have. If she didn't hurry, she was going to be late! Her dad got mad for apparently no reason at all...and she cracked a little. Her brother said the yolk's on you as he pushed her in the back...and she cracked some more. "Go ahead, tell on me...nobody will believe you anyway!"....crack. Her mom forgot to give her lunch money....crack. AND then she got to school.....and hid behind her smile.

She has a group of pretty close friends. They gathered around her and asked her if she was OK. Of course, she said yes. Who really wanted to hear all her problems anyway? They all had their own stuff going on too, right? As long as they were watching out for each other and spending time hanging out in their carton, they felt pretty safe....and overall, they were....pretty much.

There's another group of eggs. They're not quite as friendly. Sometimes they feel left out. They don't feel like they fit in. They dress differently. They don't want to stand out, but they sure don't blend in either. Sometimes they say words they don't mean....but they have a reputation....people think they're bad eggs. So they act like it. Not many eggs have taken the time to get to know them better....or realize that each one of them has cracks too.

So things get said to Ellie and her friends. Ellie and her friends say stuff back. Most of it is not very nice. Feelings get hurt. More cracks. Some friends are stronger than others. Their shells crack and they're pretty firm underneath. Some of them though? They crack...and break....and ooze. The sad thing is? They can't be put back to the way they were. No matter how many nice words, people caring, friends surrounding.... things will never be the same.

Proving that words matter. The results

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Moral of Ellie's story (People version) 
short version:  WORDS MATTER

Long version and explanation:

Ellie and her friends went to school to help the lunch girls SEE the effects their words (and other people's words) have on them. I think the girls thought they were going to get ice cream (nope, sorry that's end of the year celebration!) because there was a plastic tablecloth, bowls and napkins on the table when they walked in. They were told it was going to be a surprise. The eggs (I dyed pretty quickly the night before) looked pretty good when we started. They were briefly told about Ellie and that she represented a lot of teenagers...and adults too. Sometimes what we see on the outside (smile) does not show what is really going on (cracks on the other side). The girls were given permanent markers. They decorated their eggs with a face....and with words that have been said to them....or they have said to others. The eggs briefly went back in the carton. I beat a bit on the carton showing them that they were pretty safe when they stuck together. Then the girls got their eggs back into the bowl with a knife or spoon to hit the spots where the words were. It didn't take long for the eggs to crack and break open. Some were hard-boiled. Some were not. It was obvious they couldn't be put back together. I gave them something I wrote previously about eggs and becoming hard boiled:  Becoming Hard Boiled  We put them back in the carton and I snapped another picture. The girls asked if I'd put it on Facebook. So I did....and went into more detail with the story above to put on my blog. I really worried that they wouldn't want to listen. I didn't give them enough credit. At first, they joked around and wanted to save them and throw them at somebody. They all participated and, hopefully, got the moral without hammering it in too much about bullying, etc.

Moral is still: Words matter. (and I have a pretty awesome group of lunch friends!)

Walls

I build walls not to keep people out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over. This is a paraphrase from a teen friend. I tried finding the original quote and I found something similar, but I like hers better....and I couldn't find a name to attribute the saying to....so I'll use hers.

This was at the end of one of our Tuesday middle-school lunches. I had some time to think it over while I picked up crushed cereal pieces (ah-hem, ladies) off the floor. First of all, I felt honored that she chose to tell me. Next, I felt.....sad. Sad because I think how often have I not climbed the wall? Not just hers...but other walls as well. Sad to think that sometimes without meaning to I have built a wall and probably pushed someone away.

Sometimes when I come to lunch and lay out food, the girls swarm to the table like piranhas! Sometimes there are whines of "I didn't get any!" They move and the table is mostly empty. I think why do I do this? It takes time, it can get kind of expensive and would they even show up if there wasn't food?!?!?! That's kind of how I felt when I got there recently....and then I hear the girls start talking to each other. Then one or two talk to me and we get into some really serious concerns. Occasionally, I get hugs before they walk out the door...or one comes back for something and makes a little comment that may not seem like a big deal, but it is.

Everybody needs somebody that is willing to scale that wall. It may be a wall of hurt, pain, self-preservation or hiding from being close or letting someone else actually see the real princess (or the monster....depending on the day!) that lives behind that wall. How often have I tried once, not got over and given up?

As a parent, there have been days when I have been too tired, too complacent or too busy to attempt to climb my kid's wall. I need to stop making excuses. There are only so many days and ways that we will be given the chance to get over the wall our kids often build.

We can try to batter down the wall....and find another wall. We can try to climb over the wall, find it too difficult or time consuming....and give up. We can look for cracks in the wall. We can take time to build a ladder that will eventually let us see over the wall.  We can hope to be lucky enough on some days to find the secret door and be asked in without having to climb over. THOSE are days to cherish!

I urge you to do whatever you can to see past, climb over, get through the wall even if it takes numerous tries. Our kids are SO worth it!

Since kids learn by example, take a look at yourself too. Do you have a wall your kids can't get over?

Hebrews 11:30 (NLT) It was by faith that the people of Israel marched around Jericho for seven days, and the walls came crashing down.

Pray and have faith that whatever walls you may encounter they can come crashing down....even if they have been there for years!

And we don't do it alone......

Ephesians 2:14-15 (NLT)
14 For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. 15 He did this by ending the system of law with its commandments and regulations. He made peace between Jews and Gentiles by creating in himself one new people from the two groups.

Where's my paddle?!?!?

You have probably heard the saying about the paddle. I will try and keep it family friendly with my version: Up crap creek without a paddle.

There are days where not only do I not have a paddle....I'm not even sure I have a boat!!!! Or I'm not up the creek....but right in the middle with all that "stuff" swirling around me. Those days are not fun.

On a good day, I realize (and sometimes it takes me awhile to remember) that my paddle is not lost. I either have it and I am not using it. OR it has been taken away or given up.

My family members are much more visual thinkers than I am. However, I am realizing ever so slowly that sometimes thinking in pictures helps. On the days I figure out that my paddle is not with me, I am going to picture the devil gleefully standing off on the shore watching me struggle as he holds the paddle just out of my grasp.

Unfortunately, I have come to realize that there are days when it is not much of a stretch to say that I have given up my paddle without much of a fight. I stop doing what I know works. I get too busy in the morning and rush out the door without prayers, worship music or some Bible reading. I make excuses of why I'm not getting things done.

The secret to remember is that even if my paddle has been taken or swept away? I'm not in the boat, or any situation, alone. Neither are you. So grab that paddle back....and beat it over the devil's head.

Mark 6:50-51 (NIV) Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” ⁵¹ Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 

Psalm 41:2 The LORD protects and preserves them—they are counted among the blessed in the land--he does not give them over to the desire of their foes.

Roller Coaster...of emotions

Feelings.....whoa, whoa, f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s......

As far as I know, you will not find this roller coaster at any theme park. It's so scary, I don't think many would willingly get on it.....let alone pay to ride it.....and yet we do.....every....day.

Emotions have taken on such a stigma in our culture. Kids that wear too much black....or all black are called "emo" :(  Maybe they just like black....or maybe they are working through something in life and that's how they deal with it.

I know what emotions can be, but I don't recall ever looking it up...so thanks to Webster's: emotion: a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body 

???? ummm I'm not sure that cleared anything up for me. Until I looked up the word subjective and found the word perception. Makes sense, right? How we see the roller coaster...even if we decide to ride it....is based on our perceptions of what has happened to us or around us in the past.

We move further and further away from "feeling" our feelings. We get in such a hurry that we don't stop to think about WHY we might be feeling that way.  I'm finding out the hard way. You can't tell somebody else not to feel a certain way about something. It is their emotion and feeling. It is based on their perception of what is going on. Same as us. I can't tell myself not to feel a certain way about something.


What we can do is change how much we let that feeling(s) affect us. We can be in charge of how long we ride the roller coaster....or if we'll even get on in the first place. We can decide if we're willing to ride along with someone else on their roller coaster....or we can stand on the side and wait for their ride to be over! (This might be the safest choice!)


Having written all of that though, I also know that our brains can get clouded by depression, fear, anxiety.... where it feels like we have no control or choice of riding. We're just on it. Going up and down...maybe not as many ups. A little while is natural. We do what we can do with what we have. BUT if you feel like you will never get off the roller coaster and enjoy some days where feelings are not trying to rule your world? Talk to a friend. Talk to a doctor and make sure there is nothing mentally or physically wrong. A doctor once explained to me, medicine can make the highs not so high, but the lows not so low. 


One consolation? We don't have to ride the roller coaster alone. Even on our worst days, when we feel the most unlovable. God can be right there in the front seat with us. Putting life a little more in perspective. Helping us adjust our perception. Helping us realize those hills that look so frightening on the ground can help us learn how to deal with the stuff of life.....and enjoy the ride....on or off the roller coaster.

Jeremiah 31:27 “The days are coming,” declares the LORD, “when I will plant the kingdoms of Israel and Judah with the offspring of people and of animals. ²⁸ Just as I watched over them to uproot and tear down, and to overthrow, destroy and bring disaster, so I will watch over them to build and to plant,” declares the LORD.

Are the side effects worth it?

I watch TV crime/mystery shows. Even though I detest blood and gore, I get into the story and solving the mystery. Many times I watch them too late at night. Dumb! Late at night when I'm already tired, somewhat depressed and overly emotional. I should turn it off....but I'm hooked after a few minutes. Sometimes I wonder how many creeps get ideas from watching shows like Criminal Minds, etc. A lot of those murder mystery/cop shows have numerous creative ways to do people in.

Before you get to worried about me, I'll get on with my train of thought (THIS one, I actually remember!)

One of the downsides of television are the commercials (unless the ad is really creative....and makes me remember WHAT they are advertising for!) It seems lately there are SO many ads for drugs....legal ones that require a prescription. I find it amusing (? for lack of a better word) when they show the whole ad and then tell the side effects....sometimes rather quickly...including the one to call a dr if something lasts more than 4 hours. OR there is an ad in a magazine with a happy looking person and when you flip the page...a whole page of possible issues. OR when I pick up my prescription with the small novel size pamphlet of info with even smaller print.

Have you ever actually READ one of those? For me, they are kind of like the "terms and conditions" that need to be agreed on frequently. Once in awhile, I glance over, but usually just click the box that I read it. Who knows what I could be giving up?

When I was pregnant, I had to get injections the first few months. I had to pick up the vial of medicine. Small novel of small print came with it. I actually read most of it.....and promptly called the dr and asked if they knew of kids born after their mother had taken this medicine. I was somewhat calmly reassured that the benefit of the medicine which would help me stay pregnant was worth it....and that a side effect had to be listed even if it was only rats or a few people that had an issue. Oh how reassuring. not.

However, our son was born healthy....and life continues on.....and I have persisting thoughts late at night/early AM.

In life, not just medicines/prescriptions have side effects. Maybe for the way I'm thinking of it, a similar word would be consequence. Our decisions (or lack thereof) carry side effects/consequences. Some we will not like and decide that life is better the way it is than the way it could be if we choose to medicate/decide.

Sometimes there are side effects of dealing with people who are already dealing with their own side effects. This can be tricky because everybody handles them differently. So we do our best to be understanding and seek to make the best, informed decisions we can....and help others that may not be as far on the journey.

So maybe take some time to reflect (speaking to myself here also) on what the issue is, what the cure might look like and if the side effects will be worth it.

Proverbs 17:22 (NLT) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.